Hayhurst: Dodgers’ party fiasco overblown

Los Angeles Dodgers players jumped into the pool at Chase Field after they clinched the NL West title (AP/Ross D. Franklin)
September 21, 2013, 3:45 PM

I find it very difficult to believe that Arizona Senator John McCain is as mad about the Dodgers jumping in the Diamondback’s pool upon clinching the NL West as his recent Twitter rant implies.

McCain’s words, that the Dodgers are, “a bunch of overpaid, immature, arrogant, spoiled brats” feel a bit, well, hypocritical seeing as how the man did run for president of the United States with Sarah Palin.

I guess you have to stick up for your hometown team, though I’m not so sure an elected official-one who lost the most influential colour-barrier race in history and made a local election ad around the catch phrase “complete the dang fence”-should be on Twitter calling out teams employing defectors and players with immigrant families as spoiled, overpaid, or arrogant.

Were the Dodgers immature?

Alright, I’ll give you that one.

But hey, baseball players should never be confused with sensible adult men. They play a kid’s game for a living and exist in a world where winning justifies everything, you get pied in post game interviews, and rookies dress as hooters girls in hazing rituals. That’s why, as ludicrous as it is for McCain to sound off about his D-Backs getting whooped, the accusations from Willie Bloomquist, Diamondbacks utility player and bona fide major league man-child, that the Dodgers were enjoying their victory the wrong way, is asinine.

Asinine, but not unexpected. The Diamondbacks have had trouble interpreting the unwritten rules of baseball all season. Don’t tell me you forgot how Ian Kennedy put a fastball into Yasiel Puig’s snout? Or that Zack Greinke unloaded a clip trying to hit Miguel Montero in retaliation, only for, again, Kennedy to hit the scatter shot Greinke to retaliate for the retaliation?

After Greinke got drilled, those spoiled brat Dodgers went after those gritty Diamondbacks and we had ourselves an old-fashioned, bear-knuckled rule interpretation. I Remember it well since, even though I played with the guy, that was first time I ever saw JP Howell’s angry side (like Shaggy from Scooby Doo finally lost it).

Even months after the event, we still don’t know whose fault it really was. Puig’s for being too flashy? Kennedy’s for being too gritty? Palin for giving us the apropos phrase, “drill baby, drill?”

But it doesn’t matter now. The final word has been spoken in the one universally understood language of baseball: winning. The Dodgers came to Arizona, to the Diamondbacks house, and beat them at their own game… and then jumped in their friggin’ pool. Why? Because they could. Because they won. Because the Diamondbacks can replace whatever water was splashed out with the tears they’re crying over it.

And somehow, some way, a team not even remotely associated with this event gets drawn into it. The Yankees.

That’s because Willie Bloomquist, in his throws of pool invasion outrage, said that what the Dodgers did was not only classless, but that the Yankees would never do something like it.

I’m sorry, did Bloomquist just cite the Yankees as the benchmark of class? You mean the franchise that harbors baseball’s most epic cheat, a shortstop who sends gift baskets to his booty-calls, and was once owned by a man who got suspended from baseball because of his connections with the Watergate scandal?

Oh, oh, I get what you’re saying-all that stuff is fine because the Yankees would only go swimming during open pool hours. Stop, Sweet Willie, stop. You’d have an easier time convincing me that what the Dodgers did was wrong because they went swimming in a pool with no lifeguard on duty.

For the record, why the hell should the Dodgers listen to an argument that hinges on what the Yankees would do? Do the Diamondbacks-a team that has shaped its image around the four letter word “grit” and smears wet dirt its face post victory-do everything the Yankees do? Is not the point of winning to establish to the whole world, “this is how WE do it?”

So you think the Dodgers are classless. Big deal. You know as well as I do that the definition of class is just another of the ethereal baseball rules that have been around since the dawn of the game but never make it to print, anywhere. You know it’s provincial thing with no gold standard to back it. You know that, by even raising an objection after a disappointing season, you’ve brought your own class under scrutiny. So why sound off at all?

I guess that’s for you to decide, Willie, and you’ll have plenty of time to think about it this off-season, by the pool.

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