How will ‘Hump’ handle the mighty bright spotlight that comes with marrying a Kardashian?
And so the eTalk is that Kris Humphries - aka Hump -- and his new wife, Kim "Something", are enjoying Italy on their 'mini-moon' this week.
Kim Kardashian's (there, I wasted 30 seconds of my life looking that up) nine-million Twitter followers might want to know: Why Italy?
Is it the food? The history? A script conference with Italian prime minister, playboy, and billionaire Silvio Berlusconi for a new reality show concept -- Love, Italian Style?
Who cares, really.
Because if you're a fan of Hump (323,000 Twitter followers and climbing, BTW) you hear news like that and think: Of course! Italy's where Hump went to training camp before his breakout season with the Toronto Raptors in 2007-08.
Now, fans of Kourtney and Kim take Manhattan might be asking: What breakout season?
They are the unfortunate few (?) who somehow think Kim and her max- money contract should be aiming higher on the NBA food chain than a mid-level exception. Her sister Khloe - not as cute and not even having her own sex tape, remember - married a Laker.
Could not Kim manage a Knick? The best she can do is a former Raptor and current Net?
For the doubters, some background: It was after the Raptors' Italian training camp that the Hump earned the three-year $9.6-million contract that paid for (some of, anyway) that $2-million engagement ring Kim made him buy. He put up a better PER than Kevin Durant that year. (Kim, I have John Hollinger's email address. Drop me a line and he'll explain the rest.)
Sure, to the uninitiated Hump may have the look of a kept man given he'll be lucky to earn in free agency the $18-million that wifey earned on their wedding, especially since he's unemployed right now.
But Hump has a role to play. Watch the 6-foot-9, 240 pounder clear the paparazzi at LAX and you think: It's just like running the pick-and-roll with Deron Williams.
Plus Hump is an athletic marvel (He kicked Michael Phelps ass in the pool when they were kids; he still holds age group swim records, okay?) and an advanced stats machine.
As a Hump supporter I'd feel better about how things are going to work out if Kim had spent more time pumping up his rebound percentages instead of gushing about how that weird twig Nicole Richie helped her decide go "traditional Hollywood" for the wedding.
Traditional. Hollywood. Traditional Hollywood. Traditional Hollywood.
See? No matter how many times you say them, those words do not go together, unless you mean Hump is going all Burt Reynolds hairy.
It's been a while since I've seen Hump 'in the room', but that is not how The Hump rolls, in my recollection. He's new school.
Anyway, all you Access Hollywood and TMZ fans who want to know more about Mr. Kardashian (as if) read on.
Those not in the know might think my man Hump is just another gold-digger in a tank top. They might look at his career numbers and think: What is a Kardashian doing with the New Jersey Nets second-best big man?
But second they should know that Hump's per 36 minutes numbers scream, "Solid Rotation Guy!"
Wifey might have some Hollywood pedigree and a few hot sisters, but the Hump was second in the NBA in defensive rebound rate last season.
Stick that in your Heisman, Reggie Bush.
The Hump has been in the league since he was 18 years old. He knows how to get his numbers. So don't worry friends of Kim. He's not just a survivor (so he's been traded from the only two winning teams he's ever been on, big deal) but a provider.
"But can Hump handle the celebrity life?," Kardashian fans might be asking.
I personally have no doubts, but just to make sure I called Anthony Parker, a respected NBA veteran, former Hump teammate, wedding guest and Hump expert: "He'll be fine. Hump's always thought of himself as a celebrity, so for him this all feels natural."
And - according to Parker - "Hump is still Hump; he hasn't changed."
He had Keith D'Amelio, the Raptors former strength and conditioning coach at his wedding, along with ex-teammate Jason Kapono. They played so much golf they barely had time to get Hump down the aisle.
See? As long as your name isn't Jerry Sloan, Hump is loyal.
So the question from this end isn't if Hump is good enough for a Kim, but is Kim good enough for Hump.
Hump is a good dude, even if he does - as his wife told the whole world on Ryan Seacrest's radio show - leave his shirts all over the floor.
Hey, ask Jamario Moon or anyone else who ever had a locker beside Hump: Some things never change. But you should be happy about that. It's called reality, not reality TV. Hump is messy.
But most importantly Hump is ambitious. This may be painfully obvious to Kim's fans, but they should take comfort in this.
He still firmly believes in his upside. Sure every coach he's ever had just wants him to run the floor and crash and bang.
But you can't hold Hump back. He wants to be a face-up four. He wants to shoot threes.
He may be the only one that wants that, but don't put it past him.
What Hump wants, Hump gets. And now he's got Kim.
Lucky her.
