Mark Spector

Mark Spector is a columnist for sportsnet.ca

This was as close as the media got during Tiger Woods' apology.

If at all possible, Tiger Woods should feel more ashamed after that sham of a confession.

The Golf Channel "analyst" Charlie Rymer was bawling like he'd just won the gold medal. And if they awarded a medal for Freestyle Suck-Up - or Long Track Toady - our boy would be heading to B.C. Place for a ceremony tonight.

How Tiger Woods' address on Friday could cause anyone outside his immediate family to shed a tear - and we're not counting Elin and the kids, because they weren't there - is quite a mystery.

You want to cry?

How about Tiger using this announcement to leave spike marks all over the currently running tournament held by the first sponsor to drop him - Accenture - in making this announcement on this Friday? And then thanking them for their understanding in his address.

"Mondays are a good day to make statements, not Friday," deadpanned Ernie Els.

How about when Tiger began quoting Buddhist teachings, revealing, "I was raised Buddhist." We always wonder why these teachings that were never quoted when an athlete was on top, always seem to make the speech when they hit rock bottom.

Said Rymer's right-hand man Brandel Chamblee: "In my opinion, this was a P.R. home run."

"I don't have any (more) questions," chimed in Rymer.

That's OK, boys. We've got plenty to go around.

If Elin didn't bash Woods with the 3-iron that night, why didn't he allow a single photo to be taken of his visage for weeks? If only to refute the charges?

Who wrecks a car in the middle of the night, simply pulling out of their own driveway? And where was he going at that hour? Why did they find him asleep on the road? Why did he refuse to be interviewed by the cops?

And if he no longer is gripped by a feeling of entitlement, as he admits he once was, how is it that a guy who has made a billion dollars through TV events and commercials - who has acted every bit like a Hollywood starlet throughout - feels he should receive different treatment from the dastardly paparazzi than every other famous person?

"Leave my wife and kids alone," he demanded of the despicable crew that are the bane of everyone else who earns the way he earns.

Nick Faldo basically told Tiger, "Good luck with that."

"I'm amazed he's asking for this as if he's the only one," Faldo said. "Hollywood gets this all the time."

But Tiger, you see, has always been different. He admitted as much on Friday, that he had become "entitled," and "convinced myself that normal rules did not apply."

So he made an apology on Friday. But not the kind of apology other athletes would make.

He did not invite the media carte blanche. In fact, his statement - we will not be calling it a press conference here - was so orchestrated, that even the Golf Writers Association of America boycotted, turning back their three invites meant to placate the 950-member media group. (A group who has helped to make Tiger the brand he is today, we might add.)

He did not take questions, like other fallen athletes have had the courage to do. And thus, many of the strong statements Woods made on Friday did not have to bear an ounce of scrutiny.

So what did we have here? A speech about how a man had been living a lie and a dishonest life took place Friday, and we are expected to take that admittedly lying and dishonest man on his word that everything he says is true - now.

It's good to see that normal rules now apply to Tiger. That he doesn't feel entitled anymore.

But Woods has always preferred things on his own terms. He re-wrote the rules on golf, the re-wrote them again on fidelity and media "opportunities."

And his responsibilities to all of those golf fans across the world who have made him millions upon millions of dollars? He'd like to re-write those too, if that's all right.

"I ask you for your help," he said to you, the guy in the Tiger Woods brand golf cap. "To one day find room in your heart to believe in me again. (Sniff.)"

Personally, we believe in him less today than we did yesterday. The Great Apology, as it turns out, was staged and fake-looking.

It wasn't at all what it appeared to be on the surface.

Now that's a bit ironic, isn't it?