Monday on Sportsnet Radio the Fan 590, my morning show co-host Greg Brady and I took some calls about Tiger Woods and his new girlfriend.
You see, I was upset that Tiger is now dating a 22-year-old.
First off, a 35-year-old shouldn’t be going out with a 22-year-old in the first place.
But that’s just me.
At the end of the day they are both consenting adults, so it is none of my business.
As one caller pointed out, the general rule of thumb for a guy is to divide a woman’s age in half and add seven to come up with the minimum age for dating. By that scientific formula, Tiger shouldn’t be going out with anyone under the age of 25.
Greg mentioned that Tiger would be better off hooking up with Halle Berry. I think that is a great idea. Yes, she is nine years older than him.
But is there a hotter looking 44-year-old woman on the planet than Halle Berry?
I think not.
Once the biggest name in golf, Woods is now nothing more than a punch line in a David Letterman monologue.
With that in mind, I decided to write Tiger a letter to express my feelings and concerns…
International Management Group
Attn: Tiger Woods
IMG Center, Suite #100
1360 East Ninth Street
Cleveland, Ohio
44114-1782
Dear Tiger,
What are you thinking, dude?
I don’t care that you have hooked up with another woman. A man has needs after all.
As we all know, who you date and how you live your life is really none of anyone’s business.
But Tiger, why are you going out with a 22-year-old?
You are Tiger "freaking" Woods. You can pretty much have any woman you want. So why would you potentially mess up your chances of winning the Masters by hooking up with a woman who is more interested in going out clubbing that swinging the clubs?
You need peace in your life. You need stability. You don’t need a 22-year-old party girl.
Let’s face it Tiger: the last time you won a golf tournament on North American soil took place way back in August 2009 when you won the Bridgestone Invitational.
Since that win your personal life has spiraled into an abyss filled with hookers, strippers, skanks and naughty Perkins waitresses.
In the aftermath of your once perfect world falling apart, you are going to great lengths to rebuild it along with your swing. So the last thing you need in your life is a 22-year-old blonde, albeit a cute one, who was recently arrested on suspicion of DUI.
Tiger, The Masters is coming up fast.
As you well know, the opening round takes place Thursday, April 7th. You need your head screwed on straight before your tee it up at Augusta National. To make putts at The Masters you need your head free and clear of any needless distractions.
You need a woman that can add peace to your life and get your putting stroke back.
Sean Foley can only do so much. It is up to you to do the rest.
Tiger, you have won 14 Majors in your incredible career. But you haven't won a Major since the 2008 US Open.
You're 35-years-old and you are grinding it out on the golf course on a surgically rebuilt left knee.
Even with all your greatness, you have to realize that you can't last forever. If you don't win a Major this year, the odds of you winning four more to tie your idol Jack Nicklaus will take a serious hit.
Most of all you need to spend more time with your kids and less time with this 22-year-old distraction that will do nothing but bring harm to your golf game.
As Don Corleone said in the Godfather, "A man who doesn't spend time with his family, can never be a real man."
My friends and I all agree you would be better off hooking up with Halle Berry. Everyone loves her and she would be more than happy to stay at home and bake you cookies while you are at the driving range with Foley.
All the best Tiger, and I look forward to hooking up with you for a coffee the next time you are in Toronto.
Signed your loyal and dedicated fan,
Jim Lang
Morning show co-host
Sportsnet Radio - The Fan 590
