The young, single millionaires don’t want to live in Edmonton. But that’s OK — because the married guys can’t stand it there either.
If you ever wonder why the Edmonton Oilers are paying Shawn Horcoff $7 million this season, why Fernando Pisani makes $2.5 million or Steve Staios $2.8 million, take a look at what’s going on with Dany Heatley right now.
You’ve heard of a hometown discount? Those longtime Oilers are getting what we like to call it a “bad town bonus.”
Edmonton is the town where I was born. I live and shovel today in a suburb of E-town.
Boxing promoter Don King once called us Edmonites, but the rest of the country only calls us insane. Imagine, Canadians residing in a place where it gets cold in the winter; where you actually have to learn how to drive on icy streets, and pick up a snow shovel before you leave for work in the morning once in a while.
Heatley wanted out of Ottawa so badly, he demanded a trade one year into in a five-year deal that he had in good faith signed with the Senators, in October of 2007.
What little character Heatley has, he risked in walking away from Ottawa, the team that rescued Heatley from a tragic situation of his own making in Atlanta and took him to a Stanley Cup final just three seasons ago. He closed the door on the Senators when a proper coach walked in the door and demanded actual accountability in what had become the most messed up dressing room in the NHL.
Heatley wore a letter in that dressing room, but he left it on account of coach Cory Clouston, who asks his players to look in the mirror once in a while.
Finding, however, that interest around the National Hockey League was tepid — even for former 50-goal scorers who are low on moral fibre — Heatley found out on Tuesday evening that the only city in the NHL willing to offer anything close to value in trade for his services was a city that he likes even less than Ottawa.
It was, ugh, Edmonton.
There was that Hockey News survey of NHL players a few years ago that placed Edmonton dead last under the heading: Cities you would least like to be traded to.
Then there was Chris Pronger, who came to Edmonton and within one season was playing in his first Stanley Cup final. His wife
“I’ll be in Mexico, warming up,” he told the Oilers. “You’ve got my cell.”
Now, you can add Heatley to the list of those players who would rather crawl back into the dressing room of the team he stiffed, than play for — Woo! What smells? — Edmonton.
The Oilers are the Official Team of the NHLPA each July 1, because each year they drive the price of a couple of free agents through the roof, before the players choose the second richest offer from somebody else. Because, really, who would go to a town where they name their summer sports team the Eskimos.
But if Edmonton isn’t good enough for Heatley, who is it good enough for?
Heatley is a guy on his third chance. A guy who looked Ottawa owner Eugene Melnyk in the eye and pledged allegiance when he was in need of a new, mega-bucks contract in October of ’07, and then threw Melnyk and his Sens under the bus less than two years later.
But if you have any doubt that there is very little interest in a 50-goal scorer who is devoid of character and lacks the “team player” gene, consider this:
In the most attractive trade that Ottawa GM Bryan Murray could muster, after two weeks of burning up the phone lines, he had to take back an absolute bust — at $4.25 million per season! — in Dustin Penner.
The Oilers not only were going to get the best player in this deal, they were dancing with glee as they unloaded the worst one.
There was only one problem: They aren’t the Phoenix Oilers, or L.A. Oilers.
Even native Edmontonians hate it here, let’s face it. Mike Comrie fled. Jay Bouwmeester wouldn’t touch the place. Jason Chimera is far happier in Columbus.
The Calgary Flames are loaded with Edmonton natives, all able to drive home for Christmas, but spared the torture of residing within the 780 area code.
It reminds of this story: When Kevin Lowe was the GM of the Oilers, he once tried to throw a bunch of money at Michael Nylander to come to Edmonton. Nylander promised he would come, then double-crossed not just Lowe, but his own agent when he reneged and chose Washington instead.
It was, history shows, the best deal the Oilers never made.
Oiler fans can only hope the deal for Heatley is never consummated.
Let some other sucker have him. A bigger sucker, even, than Edmonton.
