Regular readers of this space know that I've long been an advocate for a meaningful crackdown by the National Hockey League on blows to the head, hits from behind, late hits and the assorted mayhem that's plagued the league in general -- and Director of Hockey Operations Colin Campbell in particular -- for more years than anyone cares to remember.
And while you might expect that given the multiple incidents of the past week and the paltry punishments handed out or completely ignored it would be fair to assume that I would be at it again.
Ah, but if it's true that the definition of insanity is taking repeated blows to the head from members of the Philadelphia Flyers and expecting not to be concussed into submission by the NHL's spin doctors, the majority of whom either work for the league or are at least subservient to it, then I can dishonestly tell you that I have seen the light.
I now not only embrace the notion that Philadelphia's Mike Richards' "clean hit" to the head of Florida's David Booth, the one that left Booth concussed, hospitalized and out of the Florida lineup for seemingly as long as it takes for the Panthers to again miss the playoffs, is totally justified, I now argue that the league needs to expand upon the kind of head hunting, knee chopping, chest blasting, hit from behind face-to-the-board smashing that is running Ruutu-like throughout the game.
In short, I've come over to the other side and am willingly encouraging the league to take its "Why-I-Oughtta" approach to the extreme.
Take Richards' takeout of Booth as an example, a near perfect example, of how to deal with outgoing Phoenix owner Jerry Moyes.
We all know the league wasn't happy with Moyes' decision to put the Coyotes into bankruptcy, a decision that produced an ugly court fight costing millions in legal fees and causing the league some big-time embarrassment in the process.
Why not just have this settled like manly men and have a good hard-nosed lawyer, perhaps Ian Penny of the NHL Players’ Association or Stu Grimson, a former player and a lawyer who once served the PA until he was ousted in one of the many revolts, meet with Moyes in one of those settlement rooms like you see all the time on Law and Order or Boston Legal?
Moyes could make his case and then wham -- he gets a well-placed shoulder to the head knocking him senseless -- or from the NHL point of view, knocking some sense into him -- and, voila, discussion is over.
Since Moyes is technically still a member of the club, Campbell could easily review the hit, determine that there was no intent to injure and that the league's "player" did not leave his feet or violate any of the other criteria used to determine whether someone was knocked senseless from a hit they never saw coming. Campbell might choose to express concern that either Penny or Grimson carried a brief case that was a little too hard around the edges, but that can be left to a debate at another time, perhaps when the Board of Governors gather in Florida with croquet mallets in hand and wax about the return to the good old days when men settled disputes by bashing each other's heads in with sticks at centre ice.
Watching Rob Scuderi's low "hip" check on Jason Chimera got me to thinking that there would be no better way for the NHL to take out Wayne Gretzky and his still-unsettled claims from the Coyotes debacle.
The Great One was a difficult target when he was a player and he's been all but invisible since he resigned as coach of the Coyotes, but he would be both fair and easy game for a shot below the knees now and the NHL wouldn't even have to hire an ex-player to do it. The Arizona desert is laced with unemployed and under-employed men who know a great deal about low-level knee-capping but due to circumstances beyond their control have since found themselves wandering around the desert in near utter boredom a result of the government's witness protection residence program there.
Heck, the league could put this one out to bid and Gretzky, who might actually have to start keeping an eye on some of his neighbours, might be like Chimera or even Carlo Colaiacovo and never even see it coming.
And that would be just a warning. "You want maybe I should whack this guy" has a totally different meaning outside the NHL and Gretzky, who has a reputation for keeping his head up both on and off the ice would be wise to pay attention. After all, Scuderi got off with just a fine and it was a heck of a lot less that Gretzky claims he's owed by the NHL.
Steve Ott got two games for his hit on Colaiacovo, but that's nothing in today's NHL. Players get more time off over the All-Star break and since Ott wasn't likely to be going to one of those game's anytime soon, Gretzky would be wise to maybe continue his self-enforced silence nay he end up like Michael Peca after Darcy Tucker's submarine performance in the playoffs for Toronto back in 2002.
"You want maybe I should foot drop this guy," well Chris Pronger is still working for a living and lord knows he owes the NHL a favour or two.
Speaking of Tucker, is there any better way to send a final message to Jim Balsillie than having someone go all Tuomo Ruutu on him?
Ruutu got three games for taking Tucker face first into the glass from behind but so what, Balsillie has three times been a pain in the NHL's corporate rear end what with his attempts to buy and move first the Pittsburgh Penguins and later the Nashville Predators before setting his sights on the Coyotes.
And it's not like the NHL doesn't have justification. According to the "code of ownership" Balsillie, in their eyes, is a man lacking in both moral character and integrity which is an accusation that numerous players have leveled at Tucker over the years.
"He had it coming" is certainly a part of the code reserved for proper treatment of truculent players not in the current employ of the Toronto Maple Leafs and as a longtime "antagonist" due for a little “comeuppance” for his outside the code behaviour the NHL could easily justify a little on-ice retribution for Balsillie.
It might go something along the lines of what Campbell said after the GMs had a meeting in Florida shortly after the death of Don Sanderson and opted to do nothing.
"We went around the room and got every manager's view on the topic of hitting and where it stands in hockey when a player's shoulder hits a player in the head and causes injury," Campbell said. "I can't tell you exactly if it was 28, 29 or 27, but it was far in the majority that we're fine with it and fine with how Hockey Operations is dealing with it."
Given that it's Balsille we're talking about, that number should easily climb to 29 or 30 with no abstentions.
Now it's possible the law could get involved if some of this got a little out of hand, but not to worry.
If the case comes before a judge in Quebec, the league has no problem simply because of past practice, but even if there's a hint of concern someone from the commissioner's office can just casually mention how a return to Quebec City might someday be on the NHL's agenda and the case would be dismissed faster than the Montreal Canadiens got rid of Patrick Roy.
If it comes up in Ontario, well one could always follow the blueprint of delay, delay delay a la the Steve Moore case and if it happened in the United States well, heck, who would notice? It's not like it's going to be aired on Versus?
Even if it did become an issue south of the border, one could always plead that it was "unintentional" and that the NHL or its minions aren't "that kind of player."
Heck in the worst-case scenario the league could always claim that it was "Balsillie's fault" for having his head down admiring a southern franchise that he hadn't even acquired yet and that this would never have happened if he were "a good Canadian boy from Kingston" instead of some place like Waterloo where they are known to have people who wear face shields and are of European descent.
And why just stop with those guys: There's a whole contingent of whimpering media-types out there who might benefit from having a little sense knocked into them by manly men who play a man's game. My colleagues from a rival network have been making a lot of noise in this regard but my plan would be to get someone from the CBC Hot Stove desk to beat them with their own shoes, thereby putting an end not just to the "pansification" of hockey, but also to bring to heel the sniveling media intelligentsia who somehow have come to believe that a little carnage and willingly-accepted brain damage isn't a fair enough price to pay for the privilege of playing in the National Hockey League.
Heck, I for one would dress up like a clown and clap my oversized cufflinks together just to see that happen.
After all, if carnage, blood, mayhem and players going out on stretchers is what the people want, well, no one ever went broke giving them a rules-sanctioned fist in the face to make their point.
Finally, I've seen the light even if it did take David Booth having his go out.
Hallelujah!
