NHL Power Rankings: New No. 1 after break

All the best plays from the week on the ice, including Drew Doughty’s amazing moves and great feed, and Alex Steen embarrassing his former Maple Leafs mates.

It’s not the sweater tossing. It’s not the salute skipping. It’s not the firing of the head coach. It’s not the California tour that resulted in just one, lone pedestrian-looking goal. And it’s not Phil Kessel calling a reporter an idiot.

No. The singular moment that has crystallized the Toronto Maple Leafs’ 2014-15 campaign in these eyes has been Eric Staal, captain of the 27th-place Carolina Hurricanes winding up and taking a point-blank slap shot at Dion Phaneuf, staring a hole through Toronto’s appointed leader and paying precisely zero hell for it.

A moment like that will cause a club to fall in the power rankings.

So this week, in honour of the 2015 All-Star Game performers, and falling in general, we dug up a suitable Fall Out Boy lyric for every NHL team. (Full disclosure: We’re not huge Fall Out Boy fans, but we love a puzzle.)

Here now, the first and last NHL Power Rankings: Fall Out Boy Lyrics Edition.

Rank Team
1

The NHL leaders at the all-star break have won four straight and are nearly as dangerous on the road (13-5-3) as at home (18-5-3). Lyrical expression: “I’ll be your number one with a bullet/ A loaded god complex, cock it and pull it”

Previous: 11

2

Martin Erat (now with Arizona) is rumoured to be on the trading block again. Remember when Predators GM David Poile flipped Erat to Washington for Filip Forsberg, the rookie scoring leader. Lyrical expression: “Walking out on you’s still the best thing that I ever did.”

Previous: 1

3

With No. 1 goalie Brian Elliott healthy, the Blues have hit cruise control (7-2-1 in their last 10) and Martin Brodeur has extended his leave of absence. Lyrical expression: “Former heroes who quit too late/ Who just wanna fill up the trophy case again”

Previous: 3

4

The Islanders have defied virtually all pre-season predictions and are contending not just for home-ice in the East but for the Presidents’ Trophy. Lyrical expression: “I’m not the way you think I am, no/ I’m not the way you think I am, no, no”

Previous: 4

5

The Rangers are defending Eastern Conference champs, owners of the East’s second-best goal differential (+28) and winners of 15 of 18. Yet the Islanders reign in New York. Lyrical expression: “A rivalry goes so deep between me/ And this loss of sleep over you”

Previous: 5

6

Daniel Carcillo, who was suspended for a ninth time this week, continues to land jobs with Stanley Cup contenders. Lyrical expression: “I served out my detention/ And in the end I got an honourable mention.”

Previous: 2

7

The Lightning wields the most dangerous offence in the NHL. Tampa failed to score at least three goals just once in its last 10 games. Lyrical expression: “We are wild, we are like young volcanoes”

Previous: 8

8

P.K. Subban, this weekend’s greatest All-Star Game snub, scored three points in Montreal’s last two wins, over the mighty Preds and Isles. Lyrical expression: “You must see my wink/ They squint when they look at me/ I’m a, I’m a star”

Previous: 9

9

One of three teams with a five-game active winning streak, the Wings look all but assured of a 24th consecutive playoff appearance, if not an Atlantic title. Lyrical expression: “We’ll go down in history/ Remember me for centuries”

Previous: 10

10

The Jets did basically nothing last summer to overhaul a roster that had failed to make the playoffs since relocating to Winnipeg, yet First Star of the Week Dustin Byfuglien & Co. are rolling over teams like the Blackhawks and Kings. Lyrical expression: “I can move mountains/ I can work a miracle, work a miracle”

Previous: 12

11

Easily the best team in Pennsylvania, the Penguins lost yet again to arch rival Philly — and Kris Letang took an illegal hit from self-professed game-changer Zac Rinaldo. Lyrical expression: “In the truly gruesome do we trust/ I will always land on you like a sucker punch”

Previous: 7

12

After missing the dance last season, confidence behind the bench and in the blue paint has the Capitals competing every night. They haven’t lost by more than one goal since Dec. 23. Lyrical expression: “Maybe I’ll burn a little brighter tonight/ Let the fire breathe me back to life”

Previous: 6

13

Calgary hasn’t qualified for the post-season in five seasons, but they’re in playoff position now — thanks to the combined efforts of three goalies on their roster. Lyrical expression: “You are the drought/ And I’m the holy water you have been without”

Previous: 17

14

Another up-and-down season for the frustrating Sharks, who lost 5-2 at home to the lowly Devils this week but doubled-up the Kings. Lyrical expression: “Sometimes the only payoff for having any faith/ Is when it’s tested again and again, every day”

Previous: 18

15

When the Bruins faced the Stars Tuesday, Loui Eriksson scored; Tyler Seguin didn’t. It’s the little victories for a once-dominant force now on the playoff bubble. Lyrical expression: “Hey young blood/ Doesn’t it feel like our time is running out?”

Previous: 13

16

Vancouver, which came out the gate so fierce, is back to playing .500 hockey in 2015. Lyrical expression: “This is the art, the art of keeping up disappearances”

Previous: 15

17

They’re young, they’re fast, they’re on the rise. No, wait. Their defence is porous and their soft possession indicates that 2013-14 was a fluke. Lyrical expression: “My hopes are not quite as high/ Can’t spot her faults but she spotted mine”

Previous: 21

18

The 17th-place Kings have won just two of their last 11 and are outside playoff position, yet no one doubts they’ll finish strong. Lyrical expression: “I didn’t come for a fight but I will fight ’til the end/ And this one might be a battle, might not turn out okay/ You know you look so Seattle but you feel so L.A.”

Previous: 14

19

Wildly inconsistent, Dallas is still in the race. Consider the Stars have just seven loser points to Colorado’s 10 and L.A.’s 12. Tighten up their defensive play, steal a few more points in lost games, and the Stars could rally. Lyrical expression: “Don’t panic/ No, not yet”

Previous: 19

20

The Hurricanes might be their own worst enemy. With a real shot at finishing among the NHL’s bottom two, Carolina is battling hard. The Canes have won six of nine, and captain Eric Staal is throwing fists at Dion Phaneuf. Lyrical expression: “We’re going down, down in an earlier round/ And, sugar, we’re going down swinging”

Previous: 25

21

The Senators, who play way out in Kanata, appear trapped in no-man’s land. GM Bryan Murray seems reluctant to become a seller, yet they’re 10 points out of a wild-card spot, and neither Boston nor Washington look ready to slip too far. Lyrical expression: “Maybe he won’t find out what I know/ You were the last good thing about this part of town”

Previous: 22

22

The Panthers are in the middle of a terrible home stand in which they’ve lost all three games (two more to come) before the usual smattering of fans. Lyrical expression: “I want the guts and glory, baby, baby/ This town is wasted and alone”

Previous: 16

23

The Flyers have two of the league’s top scorers and the fifth-best power play. They believe they are better than their record suggests, but their record suggests they are closer to Buffalo than a wild-card berth. Lyrical expression: “Breaking hearts has never looked so cool”

Previous: 23

24

Usually it’s teams with a shot that stock up on veterans, but the Devils — who have already fired their coach — are starting to just look old. You don’t get the feeling a complete rebuild is coming, though. Lyrical expression: “We’ve been down/ We’ve been out/ We’ve been hanging ’round/ Tip our glasses to no direction, yeah”

Previous: 26

25

The Wild snapped its six-game funk after acquiring Devan Dubnyk but fell back into its losing ways the last two outings. Lyrical expression: “Drop a heart, break a name/ We’re always sleeping in, and sleeping for the wrong team”

Previous: 27

26

Three fans threw sweaters on the ice as the Maple Leafs lost their fifth in a row — now six — and scored just two goals that span, an offensive disaster not seen in Toronto since 1929. The fans, however, will keep buying tickets. Lyrical expression: “Like the oldest movie I ever saw was the one we wrote together/ I said I hate you, but I’d never change a thing”

Previous: 20

27

Columbus — a better hockey town than you think — is amped up for All-Star Weekend, the highlight of which is not the game itself but Saturday’s skills competition. Lyrical expression: “I can’t sleep/ In the wake of Saturday (Saturday)/ Saturday/ When these open doors were open-ended”

Previous: 24

28

The Oilers have won just four road games all season and hold a minus-49 goal differential. Lyrical expression: “The battle’s only halfway done/ I might look young/ But I’m no less defeated/ How’s the weather up there?”

Previous: 29

29

Losers of six straight, the Coyotes are fading fast and with a purpose — the 2015 draft. Lyrical expression: “A birth and a death on the same day/ And honey I only appear so I can fade away”

Previous: 28

30

Entering the McDavid sweepstakes with determination, Buffalo has dropped 11 straight and maintains a league-worst minus-78 goal differential. Lyrical expression: “She spun me a story/ Where winning looks like losing/ And I’m winning every time”

Previous: 30