NHL Power Rankings: Movie Pitch Edition

Check out the best hits from the past week, including Dion Phaneuf's bone-jarring collision with T.J. Oshie.

Hollywood’s blockbuster season and the Stanley Cup Playoffs are both just around the corner.

So in the spirit of the stranger-than-fiction 2014-15 stories taking place in Ottawa, Minnesota, Calgary and Toronto, we’ve re-imagined each of the league’s 30 teams as a movie for this week’s NHL Power Rankings: Movie Pitch Edition.

Rank Team
1

“The Understudy”
A capable talent gets his shot in the limelight when an accident strikes down the leading man. But when the marquee star returns, that taste of fame and success lingers on the backup’s tongue.

Previous: 3

2

“Lightning in a Throttle”
Fed up with seeing his friend pushed around by a notoriously sneaky high school bully, friendly jock Steven challenges him to a fight and wins even more respect from his peers.

Previous: 5

3

“Desperately Seeking Second Round”
A defensive mastermind conspires with a cadre of eight 40-point men to steal their first Presidents’ Trophy in 15 years, but they’ll need some good fortune and great goaltending if they are to survive past mid-April.

Previous: 1

4

“Till Kane Is Able”
With their most explosive sniper out of the picture, a proven squad must hold down the fort. But can they win the day with their best set of hands out of commission?

Previous: 2

5

“Everything Coming Up Carey”
The toast of the town and the pride of the league does nothing but win games and warm children’s hearts in what appears to be a season of destiny. But maybe things are going just a little too perfect for our hero. Does a plot twist await?

Previous: 6

6

“The Goalie Whisperer”
Traded, waived and on a path to be turned into glue, Devan Dubnyk finds confidence anew with the psychological help of an all-star goalie turned coach in the desert. When shipped to a hockey-mad market mid-season, he promptly makes 32 consecutive starts and goes 23-6-1. A documentary.

Previous: 7

7

“Super 8”
Once a weakness, the Anaheim Ducks’ defence is now so deep, Cam Fowler gets healthy-scratched during a game with playoff implications. Pressure shifts to the coach as the Ducks lose.

Previous: 4

8

“Good Burger 2”
In this unsanctioned reboot of the screwy 1997 Kenan Thompson gem, goofball buddies Andrew Hammond and Curtis Lazar attempt to put a major fast-food conglomerate out of business by eating all the burgers. All the burgers?! All the burgers.

Previous: 9

9

“Anywhere But Chicago”
Hot out the gate but slow down the stretch, the Predators take one glance at the NHL standings and feel all the more determined to dethrone St. Louis atop the Central, lest they draw the Blackhawks in Round 1.

Previous: 14

10

“Miller’s Offing”
When Ryan’s knee goes out on him, a pair of younger Swedes do his job for him and carry the Canucks into the playoffs.

Previous: 12

11

“On the Throne”
Time for a reigning head of state to sit or get off the pot. He’s been teetering between running for re-election or begging out of the race for so long, if he waits any longer, someone else will make his decision for him.

Previous: 8

12

“About Alex”
In between his do-gooding and gorgeous-women-dating, Alex cuts time out of his schedule to renew an old rivalry atop the NHL leaderboard, but it’s his underrated buddy Nick who deserves consideration for “best performance in a supporting role.”

Previous: 10

13

“Ice Boss”
A frequent butt of jokes in his community and massive Springsteen fan, Ondrej turns his life around at the most opportune moment and earns Employee of the Week honours.

Previous: 15

14

“Mump Card”
A funny-sounding disease with not-so-funny consequences is just one setback overcome by a points-leading hero en route to his third Art Ross Trophy. So what if he looked like one of the Klumps for a few days?

Previous: 13

15

“Comeback Kids”
A feel-good tale of a ragtag group of players overachieves, clogs shooting lanes and surprises their province, nay, country with a tremendous show of heart as the odds stack against them. Produced by Disney.

Previous: 16

16

“Late for Dinner”
A wild and unexpected streak of success offers a sliver of hope in a Texas outpost, which only makes the tragic ending sting more sharply.

Previous: 20

17

“I-96”
It’s 2:15 a.m. and they’re not going to make it to the hospital in time. Contractions heighten tension as motorist Darren Helm’s girlfriend is forced to give birth to their daughter on Michigan highway in this claustrophobic drama. Based on a true story that happened Monday.

Previous: 17

18

“Johnny on the Spot”
With his Islanders on target to face-off in Round 1 against Sidney “Best Player in the World” Crosby, John Tavares must avenge his 2013 disappointment and deliver the good folks at Nassau one last hurrah before the rink becomes a relic.

Previous: 18

19

“Owning Chiarelli”
One of the scariest, most-established banks in the country gets taken down when a guy in a Hamburglar mask pulls off the heist of the century. On whose head does blame’s ax fall? No one’s job is safe.

Previous: 11

20

“Tank This!”
Refusing to go out the easy way, a bruised and battered soldier licks his wounds and opts to battle the aliens with his hands instead of hiding in an armoured tank and waiting for the invasion to pass or new recruits to arrive.

Previous: 24

21

“It’s Pronounced Wah”
Patrick stabilizes a slumping group of hockey players hit with devastating injuries to some of its best players and provides hope for a return to the post-season in 2016.

Previous: 19

22

“68 Plus 1”
A pair of affable, quirky professionals combine their families under one roof, taking advantage of a Florida tax loophole. But are there enough hairbrushes to go around?

Previous: 21

23

“Do You Know the Way Out of San Jose?”
Open on a dejected bearded man, eyes glazed, hope drained from his expression. Voice over: “If Doug would have just kept his mouth shut, maybe this would have never happened. Now, everything must change.”

Previous: 22

24

“Grumpiest Old Men”
Another year older, another shot at glory past. Just when Lou begins to get his life back in order, some disturbing news from Russia brings back a nightmare he swore he’d forgotten.

Previous: 25

25

“Chasin’ Mason”
Forever trying to find stability between the pipes, the Flyers have a good one in Steve Mason, but will a seemingly shaky relationship with his coach cost one man his job?

Previous: 23

26

“The Interim Tag”
Suspense carries this low-budget indie flick as the fate of our goateed protagonist, finally rewarded for dues paid, hangs in the balance all summer.

Previous: 27

27

“Eric’s Stall”
When the centre of the future accidentally hangs his jock on the captain’s dressing room hook, young Connor is forced to buy the whole team steak dinners and everyone shares a good laugh. A story of hope.

Previous: 26

28

“Razing Arizona”
A real-estate baron plans to bulldoze an entire community and start fresh by erecting a series of new-fangled condos, but one of the original residents refuses to sell.

Previous: 30

29

“Leave Nation”
Finally bored of a girlfriend that continually breaks his heart, a Toronto man breaks up with her “once and for all” and jets to Florida. But she knows he’ll come crawling back in the fall. A romantic tragedy perfect for hate-watching on a plane to somewhere warmer.

Previous: 29

30

“Owin’ Nolan”
Ted catches wind that he may be fired from his job, despite the fact he lacks the resources to succeed and the employees under him are a bunch of misfits. Think “Up in the Air” meets “Bad News Bears.”

Previous: 28