A stocking stuffer for your favourite NHL team

Chicago Blackhawks captain Jonathan Toews (left) with teammates Patrick Kane (centre) and Brent Seabrook (right) after a goal. (Charles Rex Arbogast/AP)
December 24, 2013, 2:35 AM

Do NHL teams hang traditional stockings or just sweaty hockey socks? Regardless, here’s what we think each team is hoping to find stuffed inside.

Anaheim Ducks: A Teemu Selanne who can still embarrass the best NHL defencemen, like he used to do back in the day—when he was 40.

Boston Bruins: They’d actually like to give something back—there were 17 seconds in late June last year they could live without.

Buffalo Sabres: The Edmonton Oilers blueprint, so they can avoid the same rebuilding mistakes.

Calgary Flames: See Buffalo Sabres.

Carolina Hurricanes: A 10-year lease agreement to stay in the Metropolitan Division, though seven other teams also have that on their list.

Chicago Blackhawks: Nothing, just in case it would upset the current balance.

Colorado Avalanche: A trade partner who can’t wait to part with a sturdy defenceman or two.

Columbus Blue Jackets: One more well of patience to plug the fan base into.

Dallas Stars: The Winnipeg Jets’ phone number, in case the Jets get to the same point with Evander Kane as Boston got to with Tyler Seguin.

Detroit Red Wings: A player who could grow into the superstar they’ll need when Pavel Datsyuk and Henrik Zetterberg are gone.

Edmonton Oilers: A small, skilled forward—they’re so close to having four full lines of them!

Florida Panthers: Assurance that six-foot-three Aleksander Barkov and six-foot-six Nick Bjugstad will in fact one day be among the most imposing one-two centre punches in the league.

Los Angeles Kings: Another great unheralded goalie, just to really rub it in everyone’s face.

Minnesota Wild: An oxygen machine for Ryan Suter, who plays half the game every time out.

Montreal Canadiens: A team that doesn’t fit entirely inside a stocking.

Nashville Predators: Another draft where a future superstar falls into their lap, this time a sniper.

New Jersey Devils: An off-season that doesn’t include a premier offensive player taking his goals elsewhere.

New York Islanders: Billy Smith.

New York Rangers: A few more defencemen who are trending the way Ryan McDonagh is this season.

Ottawa Senators: A few pinches of that lost pluckiness.

Philadelphia Flyers: Whatever it is, expect it to be traded by Boxing Day.

Phoenix Coyotes: The Oliver-Ekman-Larsson of forwards.

Pittsburgh Penguins: One big, clutch playoff save for Marc-Andre Fleury, in case that’s all he needs to recapture that old spring magic.

St. Louis Blues: A map to the Cup final that conveniently routes around the Los Angeles Kings.

San Jose Sharks: One more person who tells them their window is closing, just to piss them off enough to jump through it.

Tampa Bay Lighting: Something that offers proof Steven Stamkos’ recovery really is going as freakishly well as a it seems.

Toronto Maple Leafs: October.

Vancouver Canucks: Speed bags with Brad Marchand’s face on them.

Washington Capitals: Rod Langway.

Winnipeg Jets: A one-way ticket back to the Eastern Conference.

Share

Latest NHL Videos
NHL: STL 4, CHI 3 (3 OT) - Game 1
3:07 | Apr 18, 2014