Do NHL teams hang traditional stockings or just sweaty hockey socks? Regardless, here’s what we think each team is hoping to find stuffed inside.
Anaheim Ducks: A Teemu Selanne who can still embarrass the best NHL defencemen, like he used to do back in the day—when he was 40.
Boston Bruins: They’d actually like to give something back—there were 17 seconds in late June last year they could live without.
Buffalo Sabres: The Edmonton Oilers blueprint, so they can avoid the same rebuilding mistakes.
Calgary Flames: See Buffalo Sabres.
Carolina Hurricanes: A 10-year lease agreement to stay in the Metropolitan Division, though seven other teams also have that on their list.
Chicago Blackhawks: Nothing, just in case it would upset the current balance.
Colorado Avalanche: A trade partner who can’t wait to part with a sturdy defenceman or two.
Columbus Blue Jackets: One more well of patience to plug the fan base into.
Dallas Stars: The Winnipeg Jets’ phone number, in case the Jets get to the same point with Evander Kane as Boston got to with Tyler Seguin.
Detroit Red Wings: A player who could grow into the superstar they’ll need when Pavel Datsyuk and Henrik Zetterberg are gone.
Edmonton Oilers: A small, skilled forward—they’re so close to having four full lines of them!
Florida Panthers: Assurance that six-foot-three Aleksander Barkov and six-foot-six Nick Bjugstad will in fact one day be among the most imposing one-two centre punches in the league.
Los Angeles Kings: Another great unheralded goalie, just to really rub it in everyone’s face.
Minnesota Wild: An oxygen machine for Ryan Suter, who plays half the game every time out.
Montreal Canadiens: A team that doesn’t fit entirely inside a stocking.
Nashville Predators: Another draft where a future superstar falls into their lap, this time a sniper.
New Jersey Devils: An off-season that doesn’t include a premier offensive player taking his goals elsewhere.
New York Islanders: Billy Smith.
New York Rangers: A few more defencemen who are trending the way Ryan McDonagh is this season.
Ottawa Senators: A few pinches of that lost pluckiness.
Philadelphia Flyers: Whatever it is, expect it to be traded by Boxing Day.
Phoenix Coyotes: The Oliver-Ekman-Larsson of forwards.
Pittsburgh Penguins: One big, clutch playoff save for Marc-Andre Fleury, in case that’s all he needs to recapture that old spring magic.
St. Louis Blues: A map to the Cup final that conveniently routes around the Los Angeles Kings.
San Jose Sharks: One more person who tells them their window is closing, just to piss them off enough to jump through it.
Tampa Bay Lighting: Something that offers proof Steven Stamkos’ recovery really is going as freakishly well as a it seems.
Toronto Maple Leafs: October.
Vancouver Canucks: Speed bags with Brad Marchand’s face on them.
Washington Capitals: Rod Langway.
Winnipeg Jets: A one-way ticket back to the Eastern Conference.
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