One of the Olympics’ greatest features is the overwhelming investment you feel in people whose names were completely unknown to you five minutes before you started shouting at them to do something faster. We’re not usually even well-versed in the nuances of the events themselves—at least, not until the top rival of our new favourite athlete hits the ice or slopes, at which point we begin furiously pointing out faulty footwork and wobbly landings.
The exception to this rule tends to be men’s ice hockey, populated by millionaire mugs we watch every winter. Though the lines of our allegiance are temporarily redrawn—for the next two weeks Torontonians are backing P.K. Subban and Carey Price, not Phil Kessel and James van Riemsdyk—our familiarity with the athletes and sport is often deeply formed.
Still, there’s no harm in a quick refresher. And for the people out there who actually know more about skeleton than Sidney Crosby, we present a quick guide to the 2014 Olympic hockey tournament.
1) Canada always sends the best team. The problem is, when it sends a team anywhere outside North America it never comes home with a medal.
2) The Russian fans, players and politicians are really, really amped for this event. If you don’t believe me, just look at Alex Ovechkin’s skates. The pressure is so great on the home side that captain Pavel Datsyuk is expected to give the entire team a tutorial on backchecking.
3) There will be lots of talk about how the rink dimensions are different, and yes, it does matter—just not necessarily in the way you think. What has really expanded is the width of the ice surface and size of the neutral zone. The offensive/defensive zones from the goal line to the blueline are actually more compact than in North America. That means, when Zdeno Chara is teeing up a 100 mile-per-hour slapper from the blueline, it’s more like a shot from the top of the circle in the NHL.
4) Even if you pay really close attention to hockey, some guy you’ve never heard of or vaguely remember playing 23 games for the Florida Panthers three years ago will suddenly look like the second coming of Wayne Gretzky. This is just something that tends to happen with European players representing their homeland on big ice. And before you ask, no, your favourite NHL team should not run out and sign him.
5) A lot will be made of this being the final Olympics for Finland’s Teemu Selanne and Czech legend Jaromir Jagr. Assuming that’s true—and you never know with these two—give them each a standing ‘O’ in your living room at some point, because both guys are awesome and have the grin of men who know how special their lives have been.
6) In the one-and-done format of the medal round, the question in advance of games shouldn’t be, “Can Team Underdog really beat Team Favourite?” The proper query is, “If this were a seven-game series, could I see Team Underdog winning just one game?” The answer is almost always yes, which is what makes this tournament so much fun.
7) The last time the best Canadian players faced the best Russian players in Russia was during the 1972 Summit Series. If the two squads were to meet again, say for gold, we just might see something as dramatic as Paul Henderson’s last-minute goal. But for a quick check on how much the political climate has changed since the heart of the Cold War, consider what else occurred in that legendary contest before Henderson’s tally. First, Canadian forward J.P. Parise—proud father of 2014 Team USA captain Zach Parise—was ejected for charging what appeared to be a blatantly corrupt referee with his stick cocked like he was going to lop off the official’s head. About midway through the third period, Team Canada official Alan Eagleson was convinced his team’s tying goal was going to be unjustly disallowed. Incensed, he started making his way to the timekeeper’s booth, only to be intercepted by Russian militia, who began dragging him toward an exit. To the rescue came Canadian player Peter Mahovlich, who jumped over the boards and whacked a couple uniformed Soviets with his stick. Eagleson now made his way across the ice to the Canadian bench in the company of a couple players and another member of the Canadian staff, Mike Cannon, who shot the double bird at the jeering Russian fans.
Now we don’t want to rule out anything in Vladimir Putin’s Russia, but no matter how crazy things get on the ice, that’s a scene you’re not likely to see at Sochi in 2014.