Trades never happen in the NFL, right? And it’s impossible to tank, right? Sure. Whatever. But let’s not tell the Browns and Jaguars, because this is too much fun.
The ugly-bordering-on-historically-pathetic Jags decided to send their best offensive lineman, Eugene Monroe, to the Baltimore Ravens for multiple third-day draft picks Tuesday night. And while we already knew that the Jaguars were terrible, we didn’t know just how committed they were to ineptitude.
Ah well, lesson learned.
And it wasn’t the only one – here are the five things we now know about the NFL from a single lineman-for-late-picks swap:
1. The trade fairy is real!
It’s true – if a bad team leaves a quality piece underneath their pillow, the NFL trade fairy will come and spirit your franchise building block off to a better place. Depending on how good the player is – or more realistically, how good the bad team’s GM is – you’ll get anywhere from a 50-cent piece (hello, third-day draft picks) or a crisp new fiver (the first-rounder Browns GM Mike Lombardi landed from the Colts for Trent Richardson).
2. Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak already exists – it’s called being a decent offensive lineman playing for the Jacksonville Jaguars. Don’t lie to us and pretend you didn’t have to Google Monroe’s name when news of the trade broke last night. But don’t feel bad, either.
Unless you’re a complete obsessive or paid to know this stuff, it’s hard to keep the names of the guys who aren’t a) protecting a valuable quarterback or b) opening gaping holes for one of the league’s better running backs. It’s hard to get excited about the dude watching Blaine Gabbert’s back and trying in vain to create space for a hobbling Maurice Jones-Drew.
But Monroe was, according to Pro Football Focus, the league’s tenth-best left tackle last season, and he can surely help a Ravens line that’s rated 30th in the NFL in run blocking and 24th in pass protection.
3. Remember when you saw The Blind Side and you totally didn’t cry? Well that dude – Ravens tackle Michael Oher, not actor Quinton Aaron – might be out of a job if Monroe works out.
Oher hasn’t blossomed into the elite tackle the Ravens (and probably author Michael Lewis and also the Warner Bros. movie studio) had hoped he’d become. They’ve even tried switching him to the right side with mixed results. But unless some true Hollywood magic happens over the next few months, one of either Oher or Monroe – both in the last year of their contracts-will be looking for work come March.
4. Please welcome Luke Joeckel to hell – or at least to a very fiery baptism.
The Jags began the season with plans to ease their No. 2 overall pick into NFL life on the less competitive right side of the quarterback, before deciding after the season whether or not to extend Monroe or move Joeckel over to the left side in year two.
Joeckel is now the starting left tackle for the worst team in the NFL, protecting one (or both!) of the league’s worst quarterbacks. Oh, and this week he’ll match up with the Rams’ Robert Quinn, currently tied for fourth in the NFL with five sacks through four games and leading Pro Football Focus’ ranking of 4-3 defensive ends.
The Jags also have two games remaining against J.J. Watt and the Texans and one against the 49ers. Have fun, kid!
5. It seems impossible that the Jaguars could get much worse, even though this move indicates they are clearly trying. But don’t be so sure. The Jaguars are last overall in the NFL standings. Their minus-98 point differential is also at the bottom of the league. The Jaguars finished 2-14 last season and had a point differential of minus-189 through 16 games – this year’s squad is on pace to go 0-16 with a point differential of minus-392.
The 2008 Lions are the only NFL team to record a full 0-16 record, and their differential was only minus-249. So yes, the Jags are historically futile – but there’s hope…for those of us who love watching train wrecks in which the earth later opens up and swallows the train whole. The Jaguars still have those Texans and 49ers games and, in Week 6, Peyton Manning and the 4-0 Denver Broncos (current average final score: 45-23, Broncos). The Jaguars, by the way, are averaging a solid 7.75 points per game. So yes, that Jacksonville-Denver game will shatter the record for highest point spread in NFL history. In fact the early line is in and it is…not encouraging:
Um…go Jags?
