Over at Reddit’s NBA page basketball fans have been filling their idle time in these, the dog days of basketball summer, by roasting a different NBA team each day. While you probably won’t find the next Jeff Ross among the crowd, there are certainly some diamonds in the rough worthy of the Roastmaster General’s approval.
On Wednesday, it was the Toronto Raptors‘ turn to take their seat on the dais. Most of the jokes were predictable, and it was readily apparent that the club’s recent Conference Finals run—and ability to retain free agent DeMar DeRozan—had rendered many of the jokes somewhat dated, but it’s still worth your time. Or, if time isn’t on your side, here are some of the best jokes from the Reddit Roast of the Toronto Raptors—along with a few of our own.
Please feel free to add your own in the comments below. And now, on to the roast.
“Toronto raptors. Helping NBA rooks get their first passports since 1995.”
(u/trelos6)
“They call Toronto “the 6″ because that’s how many playoff wins it takes for their fans to consider it a successful season.”
(u/rangersrule1997)
“I came here to roast the raptors but they can’t handle the Truth.”
(u/houseofguardz)
“The Toronto Raptors: the most impressive line on the CV of later-discredited and/or disgraced NBA executives.”
(Gare Joyce)
“How do you stop the Raptors All-Star backcourt? Tell them it’s the playoffs.”
(u/togonnagetsomerando)
“The Raptors draft history features more lame white guys than a Dave Matthews concert.”
(Dave Zarum)
“The answer to the frequently asked question: In a battle between a dinosaur and a grizzly, who would survive?”
(Gare Joyce)
“Have you heard about the Raptors new alternate jersey? It says T-Dot instead of “the 6” and has a picture of Kardinal Offishal on it”
(Dan Montgomery)
“The Raptors: naming professional basketball teams based on the fleeting popularity of kids movies since 1995”
(Ryan Dixon)
“The Raptors were named after the highest-grossing movie of ’93. Think about it: if the team had been started one year later they would’ve been named after The Lion King. The Toronto Lions? Given how the next 20 years played out they’d be better off going with The Scars. Hi-yo! Don’t forget to try the veal.”
(Dave Zarum)
I’m really excited to see former champion Kyle Lowry try and lead newcomer Jared Sullinger to the promise land on this years edition of Biggest Loser.
(u/CardinalRoark)
“You know things have been tough in Toronto when they get congratulated for losing.”
(u/pondfor)
“The Raptors playoff run this past spring had fans more excited than Uros Slokar watching City TV after midnight.”
(Dave Zarum)
“The Raptors: Not Afraid of the Oliver Miller Post-Game Buffet Challenge.”
(Gare Joyce)
“Raptor fans will be checking this thread for the next four weeks to see if any americans left a comment about the team.”
(u/TheRealJakay)
“The Raptors won 50 games for the first time. Which is another way of saying they finally had a good year.”
(Craig Battle)
The Toronto Raptors mascot… proof that Barney the dinosaur had a performance enhancing drug issue.”
(Donnovan Bennett)
“The Raptors offence has less plays than NBA JAM”
(Dan Montgomery)
“The Raptors let the public vote to choose their team name. Risky. They came this close to being the Toronto McTeamFace’s”
(Dave Zarum)
“It was nice to see Kobe follow MJ in owning an NBA team.”
(u/Good_NewsEveryone)
“I’m not saying the Raptors are bad luck at the draft… but when Rafael Araoujo passes by, mirrors break themselves.”
(Dave Zarum)
“The Raptors: Almost as relevant as Graduation Day”
(Gare Joyce)
Thank you, and remember to tip your waitress.
For some pretty funny, though less-safe-for-work jokes, be sure to check out the full roast here.
