LeBron James plays a supporting role in the new Judd Apatow comedy starring Amy Schumer, Trainwreck. He’s certainly not the first pro baller to test his acting chops — plenty of players have appeared on the silverscreen. (And no, they’re not all named Shaq.)
In honour of the King’s new movie (which we review here), we started wondering about where his performance would rank among his peers.
We got to thinking: If there was a 1-to-10 scale for rating the performances of NBA players on the big screen, what would it look like?
Of course, we can’t include all the movies in which the pros appear — there are just too many to count. Rather, we decided to take a selection that we think best define the range of talent (or something like that) out there.
Here it is: Our definitive ranking of NBA players’ movie performances, from worst to best:
Rating: 1 – Shaquille O’Neal in Kazaam
Review: Just really bad.
Shaq undoubtedly has the longest IMDB page of the whole league — seriously, go look — and Kazaam might just be the worst. (Or the best, depending on what you look for in a movie.)
(Honourable mention to Steel. Just really bad.)
Rating: 2 – Chris Bosh’s entire YouTube channel.
Review: Wait, what?
OK, so this isn’t actually a movie. But we couldn’t help but include it on this list.
Special shoutout to Bosh as some sort of cowboy (?), circa NBA All-Star voting 2008.
Rating: 3 – Kevin Durant in Thunderstruck
Review: Why is this happening?
“What is wrong with Kevin Durant?” and “Are you guys watching the same thing I’m watching?” are actual quotes from the movie as well as actual quotes from the movie’s audience.
Rating: 4 – Dirk Nowitzki in Like Mike
Review: Shaky, at best. But funny.
Dirk’s not the only pro baller to appear in this movie. (We see you, Vince Carter, Jason Kidd, Allen Iverson and Co.). He might even have the fewest lines of all of them.
But even so, they maybe should’ve cast Air Bud:
Rating: 5 – Gheorghe Muresan in My Giant
Review: Charmingly awkward.
OK, so the acting’s not great. But there’s something so perfectly awkward about the seven-foot-seven Muresan alongside Billy Crystal, that it just kind of… works… which is why we rank it in the middle of the pack.
Rating: 6 – Everyone in Eddie
Review: Not great, but not bad.
This one takes the “power in numbers” approach — at times it feels like the entire NBA makes an appearance. Bonus points to the fact that the players are playing themselves in their natural environment – on the court — which keeps the cringeworthy moments to a minimum.
Rating: 7 – Shaq in Blue Chips
Review: We weren’t actually expecting that.
You know what? Shaq’s actually not too bad in this.
It helps that he’s playing the part of a basketball player, and not a genie.
Rating: 8 – Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in Airplane!
Review: Perfectly funny.
The beauty of Abdul-Jabbar’s performance here is the fact that you’re watching Kareem Abdul-Jabbar as Kareem Abdul-Jabbar as Roger (“huh?”) Murdock.
The six-time NBA champion may have hit the sweet spot of basketball’s Hollywood performances, giving us the Clarenc—er, clearance, to rate it at no. 8 on our list.
(Honourable mention goes to Abdul-Jabbar and his killer kick in Bruce Lee’s Game of Death.)
Rating: 9 – Michael Jordan in Space Jam
Review: Can’t help but love it.
Looney Toons. MJ. Bill Murray. Unlikely slam dunks. And a Really. Slow. Shot. Clock. What’s not to love?
The answer you’re looking for is, um, nothing. (Just ask the Minnesota Timberwolves’ Zach LaVine.)
Sure, it’s not the finest acting ever revealed on the big screen, but it’s pretty great nonetheless.
Plus, it’s pretty much impossible to make it through childhood without seeing Space Jam at least a couple of times, so it holds a certain nostalgic quality that ups its position on this ranking.
Rating: 10 – Ray Allen in He Got Game
Review: Totally legit.
On a serious note, Ray Allen’s portrayal of Jesus Shuttleworth is actually pretty impressive, which is why it tops our rankings. Allen totally holds his own alongside Denzel Washington, plus his status as a pro player didn’t overshadow his acting performance — a real first on this list.
