BY STEPH ROGERS AND ANNE T. DONAHUE – FAN FUEL BLOGGERS
The Blue Jays and the White Sox met for the second game of their three-games series on Wednesday night. It was hard to believe that a team that calls U.S Cellular Field home was on a nine-game winning streak before Toronto came to town. The main things learned from tonight’s game? Great ballpark eats and there is never a bad time for a Harrison Ford movie quote.
Tuesday night’s win for the Jays came compliments of a struggling Philip Humber, who once upon a time (April 21, 2012) threw a perfect game. After Tuesday’s game, Humber said “If you allow your struggles to make you stronger, they will… I’m going to be really strong after all these struggles.” Well, Humber, we suggest you keep listening to Kelly Clarkson while you work your way back onto Steph’s fantasy team.
Last night, Brandon Morrow took the mound for Toronto (30-26) and became the first MLB pitcher this season to have three complete-game shutouts with a 4-0 victory over Chicago (31-25). The Blue Jays now sit just two games back of the first-place Orioles, and Morrow picked up his seventh win.
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1. Producers won’t stop showing kids eating all of the best food groups from the Canada Food Guide
AD: WHY. Why would you do this to us.
SR: I can’t stop thinking about this helmet of nachos that I ate when I was at U.S Cellular Field. Like, a helmet FULL of nachos. On the broadcast, they were showing cotton candy, ice cream sandwiches, popcorn chicken…these are just a couple of my very favourite treats (complete meals). Who is in charge and were they just as hungry as I was?
AD: I sit here with my half-drank glass of house red and I pine for sugar and sugar alone. How dare these Chicago attendees flaunt their non-nutritional riches. And maybe this is related and maybe it’s not, but somebody ate the last of the Oreos at my house last night, and since then I’ve been chasing a high only an ice cream sandwich topped with cotton candy and melted Junior Mints could achieve. Now I know why Harrison Ford spent 100 per cent of The Fugitive riding The L (probably) in the Windy City.
SR: That sounds like a dream. Throw it all into a helmet and add some sour cream and I’ll call it a feast.
2. DE-FENCE *CLAP CLAP* DE-FENCE
SR: Was everyone on their game tonight, or WHAT? Orlando Hudson robbed J.P Arencibia of a base in the fourth with a diving catch at third worthy of the ‘play of the week’ reel (that will surely play for longer than a week on the Jumbo Tron).
AD: Bautista and Rasmus in the bottom of the fourth, Rajai Davis to end the same inning… these guys brought their time cards with them and punched into work today. They DO want to work, they DON’T want to bang on their drums all day. (Or maybe they do. Who am I to judge?)
SR: Who are we to tell Bautista, Rasmus and Davis that they can’t form a drum circle in the dugout to get the team fired up? Maybe the starting pitchers can contribute with the sounds of spitting entire bags of sunflower seeds, for ambiance.
AD: Maybe one of them even has a red stapler they’re just not willing to let go of. Maybe every play is determined solely by a “Jump To Conclusions” mat.
SR: Escobar doesn’t even have to jump to conclusions. That play he made in the sixth, where he leaped through the air with the greatest of ease to get the out at first – someone is feeling good after their bobblehead day. That is what I know.
AD: Someone’s been filling their TPS reports out properly, if you know what I’m saying.
SR: Alex Rios is completely excluded from any and all clapping. Kudos to Ale-Ale-jandro De Aza for getting a giant cane and pulling Rios out of the poorly executed Cirque Du Soleil act he was attempting to perform in right field in the eighth that allowed Kelly Johnson to reach second with two outs.
AD: Looks like somebody’s got a case of the Mondays. (Wednesdays.)
3. A.J Pierzynski wants to fight Rajai Davis
SR: I mean, we’re not going to say he actually told us he wanted to fight Davis, but you can see it in his face. First, Rajai is halfway to second base when Jose Quintana is staring right into his eyes. Quintana is left-handed. Davis sees a cop car directly outside of the bank, and he walks in and steals his 12th base without batting an eyelash.
AD: There’s a Boardwalk Empire reference to be made here, but I’m not going to make it. Instead, I will say that the tension only increased when Davis managed to make it home and score before Colby could get thrown out (wrongfully, I will say that on the record right now) at second.
Basically, Pierzynski is Catherine Zeta-Jones setting eyes upon Renee Zellweger (Rajai) once Richard Gere (gravity/speed) begins playing favourites. (See, I told you guys I wouldn’t bring up Boardwalk Empire.)
JAZZ!
SR: Alex Rios, practicing his jazz hands in right field.
4. Brandon Morrow gets 14 straight outs
AD: According to Buck, Brandon Morrow has slowed down the game. In fact, I think he attributed it to a rocking chair. Looking back, I think he probably meant “his game” because using “the game” in the general sense is reserved for The Game, the rapper. Also, Jason Frasor, who ACTUALLY slows down “the game” if you want to get technical.
SR: Morrow isn’t handing out any freebies. The soup kitchen is closed, if the kitchen was the ballpark, and the soup was recorded as a walk. This season, Morrow is down to less than three walks per nine innings. To put things into perspective, there were just under six bowls of soup per nine handed out in Morrow’s last season in Seattle in 2009. Hate it or love it, Morrow’s on top.
AD: NO SOUP FOR YOU! (Or him! To be more specific!)
SR: Kelly Johnson didn’t like breaking the streak at 14 any more than Morrow liked watching Kelly Johnson have the ball bounce off of his glove and into Lawrie’s open arms to put Adam Dunn on first in the bottom of the seventh.
5. Brett Lawrie stays true to form
AD: Well you know what they say: congratulations on almost stealing a base and ending the FIRST inning! We were over this inning! Who needed it!
SR: There’s nothing like stealing a base to end the inning, so Lawrie is keeping things consistent. He also was picked off by Quintana at first. Cue the mental helmet-throwing.
AD: I heard he’s an athlete! That’s the word, right?
SR: I think it’s time to revisit the difference between green light and yellow light.
AD: Which light is the athlete?
6. Bautista masters his “I’m pretending I don’t know this is gone, but it totally is” look
SR: Number fifteen for the man whose beard is admired by both men and women alike, takes the score to 2-0 in the sixth. I say men first, because I don’t want it to seem like I am only talking about a physical attribute of a player because I’m a woman.
AD: How dare you. But more importantly, how dare HE act like he didn’t know that ball was going to straight to the posse of Blue Jays fans who were at the stadium last night. As Buck Martinez said, “Lots of Jays fans here in Chicago!”
And that’s when the camera panned to five people.
SR: What we can point out about those five men, is that they were all wearing the names and numbers of the Jays coaching staff on their backs. I don’t think there is ever a bad time for an extra Brian Butterfield or Don Wakamatsu in the house. I’m writing all of their names on the All-Star Game ballot.
7. Colby Rasmus gets mad
SR: Colby gets hit by Will Ohman who has been in the game for approximately nine seconds in the top of the seventh. Cut to Colby throwing his bat into the dirt with more ferocity that anyone has ever seen.
Colby gets mad at himself sometimes, and it’s written all over his Arrested Development head-down-sad-walk that he does when he strikes out or makes a rare error. Colby might not have #FIREDUPBROOOO written all over his face, but it’s evident that he’s not just here to take a roster spot.
AD: Yet he is an athlete. Everybody hurts. Just like the R.E.M. song, and just like Videogum’s title of this week’s Mad Men recap that I’d be happy to discuss with any of you in detail. (AGAIN, I know – but a lot of big stuff happened in this episode, and for all we know, Colby could have JUST REALIZED just how much it all really meant to all of us.)
Or he just got hit by the ball. (Nah.)
8. Rajai Davis is looking “comfortable”
SR: And you know what? He’s not wearing his crocs and his sweat pants to the grocery store to be comfortable. Rajai took Hector Santiago long for his fourth home run of the season, and gave Morrow a little bit of insurance. Heading into the bottom of the ninth, the Jays led 4-0. The left-field temp is making a case for himself. With Rajai’s speed and a bat that is hitting two-run shots, he might just be the deadliest weapon to sit on an AL East bench.
AD: What I like best about Rajai is that everyone still seems so surprised. True, he’s yet to be dubbed as a bona fide “athlete,” by Buck, but considering he steals bases like the one-armed man stole Harrison Ford’s livelihood, we shouldn’t be shocked when he offers more than just the 90 metre dash.
SR: Rajai Davis has never hit more than five home runs in a season (in 2010, with Oakland). Let’s not speak too soon, but it’s only the first week in June.
AD: That was a beautiful poem.
SR: GET OFF MY PLANE. (Every Harrison Ford movie is a beautiful poem to me, Shorty.)
9. Morrow walks De Aza and Dunn before striking out Dayan Viciedo to end the game
SR: Morrow only had five strikeouts (ONLY) and the bullpen got another night off as Morrow pitched through nine, allowing two hits and taking his ERA down to a measly little 2.90. Brando made everyone a bit nervous with the first two walks in the game coming in the bottom of the ninth, but he struck out Viciendo. I assume he then said, “Peace isn’t merely the absence of conflict, but the presence of justice.”
AD: Tonight the Blue Jays played like a team – we weren’t just screaming “defence” for no reason like I tend to do any other day for my own amusement. Aside from Kelly Johnson’s fielding error, they channeled their inner Christian Bale-as-Batman and did for Toronto exactly what The Dark Knight did for Gotham City – they saved it. (Also, The Dark Knight was filmed in Chicago, and it makes me physically ill that I waited until the ninth highlight to bring up this gem.)
SR: Man, it would be so much better if I knew that Brandon Morrow could speak in Christian Bale’s Batman voice and say that line about the presence of justice. Just imagine! Please contact us, @2morrow23 if you can speak in that voice and you would like to narrate the next edition of Nine Innings of Glory.
AD: And if you can’t, then why so serious?
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