THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
Bill Parcells just doesn’t get it.
He’s mad at Jason Taylor, so mad that it’s likely the best player on the woeful Miami Dolphins won’t be a Dolphin much longer. So mad that he watched game film instead of watching Taylor in the finals of “Dancing With the Stars.”
Not that he missed a lot. Kristi Yamaguchi had this one wrapped up from her opening tango.
Most of Taylor’s teammates probably weren’t watching, either. They were in bed early so they could be up early for practice the next day that was voluntary in name only.
Unlike Parcells, though, they probably got it.
They know that football careers can be short. They understand that partying with the stars and seeing yourself on the screen is just as satisfying as sacking the opposing quarterback.
That’s why Terrell Owens was turning on every television set in his house the other day for his appearance on the sitcom “Under One Roof.”
“I think I surprised a lot of people with my performance,” T.O. said. “For me, I feel like I can act. That’s what I want to do.”
So does Taylor, who, fresh off his evening network debut jetted to New York for the morning talk shows, then back to Tinseltown for meetings with movie executives.
While his teammates sweated and Parcells stewed, Taylor was doing lunch in Beverly Hills and having his people call someone else’s people to make him even bigger in movies than he is on the football field.
But he may think twice about quitting his day job, even if he can do a mambo and fox trot with the best of them.
The road to the Oscars is littered with the carcasses of former athletes who thought Hollywood would be theirs, as anyone who watched Shaquille O’Neal as the genie in “Kazaam” can certainly attest. Fellow big man Kareem Abdul-Jabbar fared better as the pilot in “Airplane,” but at seven-foot-two it’s hard not to be typecast.
The two centres were among the luckier basketball players, most of whom end up playing themselves in one-and-off movies like Michael Jordan and Patrick Ewing in “Space Jam” or Jason Kidd, Vince Carter and Steve Nash in “Like Mike.”
Athletes have been trying to break into Hollywood since English Channel conqueror Gertrude Ederle appeared in the silent film “Swim, Girl, Swim,” in 1927. Ederle’s 1924 Olympic teammate, Johnny Weissmuller, later became more famous for being Tarzan than anything he did in the water.
Taylor can take heart that at least some football players can carry their Screen Actors Guild cards without fear of embarrassment. Jim Brown announced his retirement at the same time he was filming the “Dirty Dozen.” Merlin Olsen was a star in “Little House on the Prarie,” and O.J. Simpson had a bit of a career before some other things got in his way.
Brian Bosworth was a forgettable flop on the field, although he did OK for himself in a series of films. And who can forget Alex Karras, who not only starred in “Webster” but appeared in numerous films, including “Blazing Saddles” where he played Mongo, the horse-slugging ogre with a surprisingly sensitive side.
“Mongo only pawn in game of life,” a philosophical Mongo said.
Most of the time, though, it’s best to leave the acting to real actors. Muhammad Ali had the most photogenic and recognizable face of his time, but his career in pictures didn’t last long beyond his role as a slave in 1979’s “Freedom Road.”
Sometimes it works both ways. Will Smith played The Greatest in “Ali,” but it turned out he wasn’t so great at it.
And anyone who ever saw Sandy Koufax playing himself on “Mister Ed” or Don Drysdale teaching Greg Brady how to throw a pitch on the “Brady Bunch” will forever be grateful that the two never made it to the big screen in “Winning Shot,” a film that starred David Janssen and also featured the likes of Carroll O’Connor and Joan Collins.
Like Taylor, the two were in a dispute with their team, holding out in 1966 for new contracts with the Los Angeles Dodgers. The Dodgers had just won the World Series for the second time in three years, Koufax and Drysdale had won 49 games between them, and they decided to hold out together for three-year contracts worth US$500,000 each.
The Dodgers, of course, weren’t about to pay such an exorbitant sum, even when Koufax and Drysdale said they would become actors. They were pictured in director’s chairs on the set, and filming was to begin April 11, not coincidentally the day before opening day.
“Let’s wish the boys well,” general manager Buzzie Bavasi said. “They’ve been darn good Dodgers and we can’t blame them if they can improve their future, even if it takes them out of baseball. There is no sense in negotiating further.”
Fortunately for Dodger fans, Koufax and Drysdale realized their future was in baseball, not acting. On the eve of the season, Koufax signed a one-year contract for $125,000, Drysdale got $110,000, and the Dodgers went on to another World Series.
The money’s a lot bigger now. But strained relations between teams and athletes haven’t changed much.
Neither, though, has the acting ability of most athletes.
