20 greatest hockey quotes of 2013

Ottawa Senators head coach Paul MacLean. (CP/Fred Chartrand)

The belief that hockey players don’t make for great soundbites is common and frequently reinforced. But despite the stereotype, NHLers can give us more than “compete level,” “pucks in deep” and “a full 60 minutes.”

In no particular order, we present the top 20 hockey quotes of 2013. (Spoiler alert: Phil Kessel did not make the cut.)

“It showed nothing. I’m not pregnant.” –Mikael Samuelsson, on the ultra-sound taken for his groin injury

“I say no words… I can’t speak with him. I shy. He too good.” – Pavel Datsyuk, on Gordie Howe

“I don’t train to look good in the mirror. I train to make improvements in my game.” — Duncan Keith, one day before stopping a shot with his face

“The NHL’s opinion of itself is so high…. Let them get drunk on their greatness. We’ll see how many Euros look our way.” – KHL president Alexander Medvedev

“I grew up trying to play for the Toronto Maple Leafs, not Team Canada. Didn’t even know it existed.” – Adam Oates, who was against NHL players competing in the Olympics

“I focus on the dumbness of Hagelin… He played a hell of a game but that’s all washed off from dumbness.” – John Tortorella, then coach of the New York Rangers, after a Carl Hagelin gaffe led to a too-many-men penalty

“Some guys score and some guys don’t. We got a lot that don’t.” – Detroit Red Wings coach Mike Babcock

“Maybe they should go back to wooden sticks.” – Winnipeg Jets goalie Ondrej Pavelec, on the proposal to shrink goaltending equipment

“The guillotine has to fall somewhere when the team under-produces, and more times than not it’s fallen on me.” – Dustin Penner, when he played for the Los Angeles Kings

“If I was ever in a foxhole and I looked over and Gary Bettman was next to me with a rifle, that would be a good thing.” – Brian Burke
“Doing a good impression of a backup goalie the last few weeks.” – Roberto Luongo, when asked if, like fellow Vancouver Canucks goalie Cory Schneider, he does impressions

“I heard Rolex makes nice watches.” – Brendan Gallagher to new teammate Michael Ryder upon giving Ryder his jersey number, 73

“Sometimes you do the hard work and set the table and somebody else eats the meal.” – Brian Burke on the Leafs successfully making the playoffs

“If they can play eight more years, then I can too. I’m in better shape than they are.” – Teemu Selanne, 42, on the contract extensions of Ryan Getzlaf and Corey Perry, both 27

“Right now I’m scoring goals and I’m the king of the world. And a couple weeks ago I was almost in the toilet. So maybe you just forget to flush me.” – Alexander Ovechkin

“We don’t care what that bug-eyed fat walrus has to say.” – Brandon Prust, on Ottawa Senators coach Paul MacLean

“Old people, don’t watch it because you might die just watching it.” – Jaromir Jagr, on the excitement of the Stanley Cup final

“I’m surprised he didn’t have a few bikes out there, too.” – Former Marlie Nazem Kadri, on coach Dallas Eakins’ feeding the Oilers media carrot sticks and celery instead of donuts

“Probably not.” – Daniel Alfredsson, on whether his Senators could come back from a 3-1 series deficit to defeat the Pittsburgh Penguins

“My contract sucks.” – Roberto Luongo, who will make $64 million in a 12 years

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