“There’s a reason he has a website called Boring Sean Monahan. It’s because he is boring.”
— Brian Burke, Calgary Flames president
Sean Monahan is not boring.
That is your thesis, your mantra, your challenge when you sit across from the Calgary Flames centre (and a PR man) for a 10-minute interview a few weeks before the puck drops on the 2015-16 season.
You know Monahan isn’t boring because his teammate, Kris Russell, told you as much. You know Monahan isn’t boring because half of his left arm is decorated with a giant tattoo and because he just bought a new Labradoodle and because he scored 31 goals as a 20-year-old NHL sophomore.
Boring people don’t go get cool crossbreeds and tats, do they?
Surely, if you’re even partway competent with your line of questioning, you will uncover some of the exciting and shocking wonders of Monahan’s life.
But your gold-panning attempts are too flimsy — no match for the monotone. Repeatedly, digs into some non-hockey topics result in responses that would make perfect tweets if tapped out by the anonymous and hilarious @BoringSeanMonahan Twitter account.
On why Monahan named his new dog Samson: “I bought him from a breeder and that’s the name I came up with.”
On teammate Sam Bennett’s playoff performance: “He was good. Everybody knows he’s going to be good, and he’s already good.”
On his off-season back in Toronto: “I get to come home and spend time with my family and friends. I don’t get to take them to Calgary.”
On living across from Rogers Centre and the red-hot Blue Jays: “Donaldson and Tulowitzki, or whatever his name is, are pretty big additions.”
You’re not pointing this out to poke fun at the kid. Monahan is polite and a hell of a hockey player. It’s just that, as a follower of one of the best Twitter accounts in the NHL, it’s so uncanny to see life imitating satire.
Pressing Monahan on his summertime activities at the cottage, you learn he enjoys canoeing, swimming and wakesurfing. Wakesurfing is not boring. So you fire three questions about the topic. He says he’s not very good and he can’t throw the rope yet and he will improve next summer.
The player is, of course, aware of his tedious online impostor. He gets a kick out of it.
“It’s gone on for a while now, and it’s pretty funny,” Monahan says of @BoringSeanMonahan. “I think Derek Smith and Chris Butler [run it], but I have no idea to this day.”
Turn the topic to hockey, however, and watch Monahan’s answers lengthen.
Despite growing up three provinces away, Monahan has been enamoured with the Battle of Alberta since childhood, always awake past the Maple Leafs game on Saturday nights to catch Flames-Oilers tilts.
“I’d stay up late and watch those and fight my eyes for a while,” he recalls. “Everyone would be hyped; the crowd would be going crazy. So it’s something that now being part of it is pretty special.”
More special was a goal he scored as a rookie in October 2013. Five games into his NHL career, the kid was already riding a three-game goal-scoring streak when one of his heroes stood between him and extending the streak to four.
“There was three minutes left, and I ended up getting the winner. My family was there, which is pretty special. It was against Martin Brodeur. Watching him growing up making all those big saves, it was pretty huge to score a goal against him,” Monahan says. “That’s something I’ll always remember.”
Monahan doesn’t have the bootstraps journey of Flames captain Mark Giordano. He lacks the carefree, lovable quirkiness of “Shoeless” Jiri Hudler. And Johnny Gaudreau has the cool nickname. But Monahan’s vanilla persona suits the club just fine.
Calgary president Brian Burke told The Fan 960 that Monahan reminds him of Hall of Famer Ron Francis — he of 1,798 points — in that the smart centre brings value to every square inch of the ice but won’t be the guy holding court at the All-Star Game.
“Not flashy, just good at everything, a true 200-foot player. I used that term a few years ago, and now it’s grossly overused. Sean Monahan is a 200-foot player. He’s a really reliable player in his own end and he scores – but he’s not flashy,” Burke said.
“He’s way more mature than a kid that’s 20 years old. He acts like’s he’s 25. And his teammates love him ’cause he keeps his mouth shut and works.”
Monahan’s aspirations for Year 3 align with Burke’s assessment. After scoring 30 goals in 2014-15, he hasn’t, for example, set a benchmark of 35 in 2015-16. Offence is not his focus.
“If it’s more blocked shots or little things like that,” he says, “I just want to be a better player than I was last year.”
More blocked shots? A boring alarm blares inside your brain.
So, Sean, are you really as dull as the fake Twitter feed makes you out to be?
“Maybe to the media, but other than that, no,” he says. “I don’t think it’s accurate.”
Once the recorder is tucked away, you spot Monahan chatting it up with Leafs defenceman Morgan Rielly. He appears relaxed as the two peers laugh and joke their way down the hall. Whatever they’re talking about, surely it can’t be boring.
