In the next few days, you will see mid-season report cards handed out to Senators players from members of the media. The All-Star break gives journalists a chance to rate the performance of players and assign them a letter grade accordingly.
But why is it that nobody grades the media? How have we performed in the first half of the season?
I figured it was my duty to hand out report cards to members of the Ottawa media, based on their first-half performances:
Don Brennan, Ottawa Sun: A-
When the Senators acquired Zenon Konopka I was sure that 90 per cent of Brennan’s material would come directly from the centreman. But Brennan has surprised all of us by only using 80 per cent of Konopka’s material to fill his column.
Bruce Garrioch, Ottawa Sun: C-
His lack of Gary Roberts-to-Ottawa trade rumours have hurt him in the first half of the season, but look for him to rebound with the trade deadline approaching.
Allen Panzeri, Ottawa Citizen: C+
His pre-season prediction had Ottawa finishing out of the playoffs, near the basement of the East. The rest of us clearly knew Ottawa would be a lock for a playoff spot.
James Gordon, Ottawa Citizen: C-
Made a huge mistake in the summer when he didn’t admit he was the “Beer Baron” Alex Kovalev was referring to. His writing has struggled ever since.
Ken Warren, Ottawa Citizen: C+
Needs to learn how to lock his Blackberry to prevent accidental tweets such as “xuysxs” and the ever-popular “…”.
Wayne Scanlan, Ottawa Citizen: A-
He’s the only media member who understands my random Jose Offerman references.
Brent Wallace, TSN: A+
He’s clearly the best TV reporter in the city and it’s not even close. And you know what they say, keep your friends close…
Erin Nicks, NHL.com: B
In her first season covering the team, Erin has added a much-needed female element to the Ottawa media. And it’s nice to have someone other than Don Brennan with a hot pink smartphone.
Sylvain St. Laurent, Le Droit: A
I don’t understand a single word that is in his newspaper, but I can definitively say he’s the best writer in the city.
Marc Brassard, Le Droit: C+
Suddenly, he has the second-most impressive moustache at Scotiabank Place and he’s done nothing to try and close the gap.
Steve Lloyd, Team 1200 Host: A+
Seriously, he has to work with Jason York on a daily basis. Give the man some love.
Jason York, Team 1200/Sportsnet: A+
Come on, I have to work with Jason York on a daily basis, too.
Gord Wilson, Team 1200/Sens TV: B-
The real test for Gord will come in the second half of the season, when his Sens TV work will be displayed on the new massive HD jumbotron.
Dave Schreiber, Team 1200: A
Schreiber’s best call this season came when Jesse Winchester tied a game in New Jersey with 3.5 seconds left and he belted out, “Knock me down and call me Marilyn!” I’m not sure how I’d react if someone knocked me down and then subsequently called me Marilyn … but now I’m dying to find out.
Dean Brown, Sportsnet: C+
I don’t think I’ve heard him say “Scramble!” this season.
Denis Potvin, Sportsnet: A
If I gave Denis anything less than an “A,” you’d find my body lying in a ditch with the mark of four Stanley Cup rings indented on my forehead.