The bad news: Your team should be power-ranked higher.
The good news: At least this won’t take long to read.
Inspired by a recently trending Twitter hashtag that does not include the words golden or shower, we present the first-ever NHL Power Rankings: #DescribeYourselfIn5Words Edition.
Every team is ranked according to their strength right now, and the write-ups try to capture the current state of the club in just a handful of syllables.
Powered by their nine-game winning streak, which came to a thrilling halt in that beautiful mess of an 8–7 loss to Pittsburgh, the Washington Capitals have supplanted the Columbus Blue Jackets atop the heap.
| Rank | Team | Previous | |
| 1 |  |
Seven goals should be enough. |
2 |
| 2 |  |
West’s best defence. Thanks, Devan. |
5 |
| 3 |  |
Who needs a morning skate? |
1 |
| 4 |  |
Kris Letang on injured reserve. |
3 |
| 5 |  |
Offence masking Carey Price’s humanity. |
7 |
| 6 |  |
All good on outdoor games. |
4 |
| 7 |  |
West’s most “loser” points (nine). |
10 |
| 8 |  |
Lucic makes quadruple Maroon’s salary. |
9 |
| 9 |  |
Henrik Lundqvist goalie controversy time. |
6 |
| 10 |  |
Bummed there’s no Breakaway Challenge. |
8 |
| 11 |  |
Morgan Rielly, pray for him. |
12 |
| 12 |  |
Starting to reveal my flaws. |
13 |
| 13 |  |
Shattenkirk trade buzz speaks volumes. |
14 |
| 14 |  |
Brock McGinn, week’s third star. |
16 |
| 15 |  |
Jeff Carter deserves MVP consideration. |
15 |
| 16 |  |
Unluckiest playoff team in NHL. |
11 |
| 17 |  |
Subban skating; Josi gets sidelined. |
19 |
| 18 |  |
Travelling Jagrs disappointed in Calgary. |
22 |
| 19 |  |
Streaky, streaky, streaky, streaky, streaky. |
24 |
| 20 |  |
Matthew Tkachuk: overlooked Calder candidate. |
17 |
| 21 |  |
Told you we’d finish 17th. |
21 |
| 22 |  |
Can Nill swing goalie trade? |
26 |
| 23 |  |
Taylor Hall, hockey’s most sympathetic? |
28 |
| 24 |  |
Can’t get healthy fast enough. |
23 |
| 25 |  |
The Streak, The Joe closing. |
27 |
| 26 |  |
Back to the Atlantic basement. |
20 |
| 27 |  |
Wanted: Supporting cast for Tavares. |
25 |
| 28 |  |
Tempers rising while standings falling. |
18 |
| 29 |  |
Even Doan willing to leave. |
29 |
| 30 |  |
Save Iginla! Trade to Edmonton. |
30 |
