There’s no coffee left.
Sorry, parking lot full.
Those aren’t two pillows.
Officially eliminated from playoffs.
In the spirit of a trendy social-media hashtag that gathers phrases you don’t want to hear, we present our first-ever NHL Power Rankings: #DisappointMeIn4Words Edition.
As per our weekly custom, all 31 teams are ranked in order of their current impressiveness. The write-ups are short: four words that can instantly sour the mood of each club’s loyal fan base.
Much funnier in theory.
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Marchand faces in-person hearing.
Laine’s sweatsuit in shower.
Craziest Round 1 upset.
Vegas flu vaccine discovered.
NHL outlaws yellow helmets.
Round 2 opponent: Pittsburgh.
Schwartz placed on IR.
Jaromir Jagr clears waivers.
Kane worth two firsts.
10. 
Anaheim Ducks
Bieksa inks seven-year extension.
Nathan MacKinnon trade demand.
Game 7 in Boston.
13. 
San Jose Sharks
New GM Lou Lamoriello.
Andrew MacDonald Bobblehead Night!
15. 
Dallas Stars
Spezza stuck in press box.
16. 
Minnesota Wild
Seth Jones in lineup.
17. 
New York Rangers
Pavelec’s 13th consecutive start.
Doughty bids tearful goodbye.
“No point dissecting it.”
Tavares passes, Drouin scores.
Brent Seabrook buyout calculator.
Rather sit in nose-bleeders.
Henrique extends scoring streak.
Everyone stops loving pizza.
25. 
Edmonton Oilers
Chiarelli to announce trade.
Blockbuster trades for wingers.
27. 
Florida Panthers
Must shed $10 million.
Brock Boeser buzz cut.
29. 
Buffalo Sabres
With the fourth-overall pick…
30. 
Ottawa Senators
Melnyk schedules press conference.
31. 
Arizona Coyotes
Strome loaned to Roadrunners.
