Sportsnet’s NHL Power Rankings are nothing if not “on trend,” a phrase we once heard someone better dressed say in a boardroom.
So, when we saw a New Year’s hashtag pop up on the ol’ Twitter feed — #2019In5Words — we thought it might be fun to apply that challenge to the National Hockey League’s membership.
While you shouldn’t count on us to nail the exercise the way global-warming activist Greta Thunberg did, we will give ’er a shot.
So, in the holiday spirit of brevity (and trying to be respectful of the fact you’re eager to return to your stocking-suffed paperback), we present our NHL Power Rankings: 2019 in 5 Words Edition.
Per tradition, all teams are ranked in descending order according to current strength.
The write-ups concisely summarize the past 365 days in the life of each of the league’s 31 clubs.
Because you’ve got resolutions to attend to.
Gloria! Glo-ria! Gloria! Glo-ria! Glo-riaaaaaaa!
Most NHL wins this decade.
Chara plays through broken jaw.
Galchenyuk back on trading block.
Barry Trotz for Jack Adams.
Makar has made Barrie expendable.
Bunch of Jerks shock world.
Presidents’ Trophy < Winning playoff games.
Another Game Seven in Boston.
Gritty somehow not behind bars.
11. Dallas Stars
This wasn’t a hockey decision.
Benning spending big on UFAs.
13. Florida Panthers
Bobrovsky gets you playoffs, right?
Four straight power play goals.
15. Winnipeg Jets
What’s the deal with Byfuglien?
16. Arizona Coyotes
Mediocre team pushes all in.
Did Nashville win Subban trade?
18. Calgary Flames
Peters face of hockey’s #MeToo.
19. New York Rangers
Panarin looks worth $81.5 million.
Hurricanes immediately match offer sheet.
Best worst year in history.
22. Minnesota Wild
Boudreau working for third GM.
Kane best player of decade.
24. Buffalo Sabres
Jack Eichel needs more help.
25. Edmonton Oilers
McDavid, Draisaitl need more help.
Kovlachuk experiment explodes in face.
27. Ottawa Senators
We are a (rebuilding) team.
28. Anaheim Ducks
The children are our future.
29. San Jose Sharks
Pavelski more important than thought?
Hall wins draft lottery, leaves.
Steve the Tank embraces lottery.