NHL Power Rankings: Honest Team Slogans Edition

HC at Noon discussion on the Edmonton Oilers season, how they match up against a couple possible playoff opponents, and what has to happen for them to make postseason noise.

Since I started constructing these NHL Power Rankings around a new theme every week, I’ve had a few fun ones suggested to me by colleagues, including this one.

“Honest NHL Team Slogans” was a thread on Reddit and a good idea that was executed by a fan back in 2014.

We decided to update the concept, fresh for 2017. We put our own spin on it, not unlike a rapper hopping on another dude’s record and trying to outshine them on the remix. Imitation and flattery and all that.

Welcome to the NHL Power Rankings: Honest Team Slogans Edition.

All 30 clubs are ranked according to current strength.

As for the write-ups, our marketing department has cooked up a candid slogan the teams are free to use on T-shirts, posters, oversized foam hands, or rally towels.

Rank Team Previous
1

If Ovie Can’t Win 2018 Olympic Gold Against a Bunch of Amateurs, We Give Up

4
2

We’re All Just Scared He’ll Healthy-Scratch Us

1
3

We Stole Your Outdoor Game and Loved It

3
4

Our Owner Is Better at Hockey Than Your Owner, So Zip It

2
5

Turns Out, Bernier’s Always Been Set to West Coast Time

11
6

You Will Sit Quietly and Respect All 74 Minutes of Our Pre-Game Ceremony

5
7

Antti Raanta, Pro Lundqvist

7
8

How’s Martin Erat Workin’ Out for Ya?

12
9

Thank Goodness the Kings Fell Apart This Season

14
10

Pssst… We Rigged Those Lotteries

9
11

Monnny&
Johnny&
Dougie&
Brodie&
Chucky.

6
12

Kanata — We Have a Place You Can Park!

10
13

Peaking at the Wrong Time

13
14

Where Every Game Presents Another Chance for Jumbo to Score Four Goals

8
15

We Don’t Know Where Joffrey Lupul Is Either

15
16

Please Check Our Twitter Feed for Stamkos Health Updates

18
17

Whatever You Like, Mr. Tavares

17
18

Hands Off, Quebec City!

19
19

Rebuilding on the Fly Doesn’t Fly

16
20

Two Rings Is Plenty, Guys

21
21

We Get Hextall and Hakstol Mixed Up, Too

20
22

Re-sign Jagr? We’ll Mullet Over

24
23

Did We Mention Jack Eichel Missed 21 Games?

22
24

We Don’t Know How to Spell “Schiefele” Either

23
25

Helluva Run, Boys

25
26

We’re Cool with Our Goaltending (Wink, Wink)

26
27

Leading the League in Sedins Since 2000

28
28

Shaving, Playoffs Now Optional

29
29

Check Out Our Kickstarter Page, Coming Soon

27
30

Make Us a Better Offer

30

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