NHL Power Rankings: New Team Slogans Edition

Check out the very best goals of the week, with Dominik Kahun ripping a nasty backhander to the roof and Jack Eichel sniping a beauty for the Sabres.

When Sheldon Keefe took over the Toronto Maple Leafs dressing room, he had the club’s previous slogan — IT’S A PRIVILEGE, NOT A RIGHT — removed from the wall.

“I’ve never been big on slogans, frankly,” Keefe explained. “I have a few ideas bouncing around, and I don’t know whether we’ll get to it this season or not. It’s not really on the top of my list right now.”

To the contrary, slogans are at the top, the middle and the bottom of our list this week as we unveil our NHL Power Rankings: New Team Slogans Edition.

We racked up a ton of air miles last night, as we commissioned a group of interns to visit all 31 NHL dressing rooms and report back with the mottos and memos plastered inside those hallowed walls. Teamwork makes the dream work.

As usual, the clubs are listed according to their current strength, while the write-ups are simply the latest slogan we found hanging in their respective rooms.

1. Boston Bruins

PASS IT TO PASTA.

2. Washington Capitals

NEVER LOSE SIGHT OF OUR END GOAL: RAMPANT PUBLIC DRUNKENNESS, PREFERABLY IN COMMEMORATIVE FOUNTAINS.

3. New York Islanders

DEFENCE WINS CHAMPIONSHIPS… FINGERS CROSSED.

4. St. Louis Blues

THE BEST CURE FOR STANLEY CUP HANGOVERS IS MORE STANLEY CUPS.

5. Edmonton Oilers

WHY LEAN ON THE BEST PLAYER IN HOCKEY WHEN YOU CAN LEAN ON THE TWO BEST PLAYERS IN HOCKEY.

6. Dallas Stars

OK, NO MORE SANDBAGGING — IT’S GO TIME!

7. Carolina Hurricanes

STORM SURGE SUGGESTION BOX IS LOCATED AT THE BACK.

8. Colorado Avalanche

DUDE, WHERE’S MAKAR?
OVER THERE, SPEEDING AWAY WITH THE CALDER LIKE HE STOLE IT.

9. Pittsburgh Penguins

NO LETANG, NO CROSBY, NO WORRIES.

10. Tampa Bay Lightning

NO STATE TAX.

11. Toronto Maple Leafs

TRYING TO WIN HOCKEY GAMES CAN LEAD TO WINNING HOCKEY GAMES.

12. Arizona Coyotes

STILL TOTALLY A PART OF THE NATIONAL HOCKEY LEAGUE.

13. Florida Panthers

QUENNEVILLE?! MORE LIKE WINVILLE, AM I RIGHT?

14. Winnipeg Jets

MAKING DO WITH WHATEVER BLUE-LINERS WE GOT LEFT.

15. Philadelphia Flyers

IF WE’RE BEING COMPLETELY HONEST, WE ARE EQUALLY AS FRIGHTENED BY OUR MASCOT AS YOU ARE.

16. Nashville Predators

JUST WAIT TILL OUR SAVE PERCENTAGE GETS ABOVE .884!

17. Vancouver Canucks

AS LONG AS WE DRAW, LIKE, SIX OR SEVEN POWER PLAYS A GAME, WE’LL BE FINE.

18. San Jose Sharks

CHILL, DUDE, WE ALWAYS MAKE THE PLAYOFFS.

19. New York Rangers

PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH HENRIK LUNDQVIST’S HAIR GEL.

20. Chicago Blackhawks

THE REAL COREY CRAWFORD IS BACK, BABY!

21. Ottawa Senators

ONCE HIS 21.7 SHOOTING PERCENTAGE LEVELS OFF, WE’LL TOTALLY TRY TO RE-SIGN PAGEAU. PROMISE.

22. Montreal Canadiens

BLEU, BLANC ET ROUGE LIGHTS BURNING THE BACKS OF OUR GOALIES’ NECKS.

23. Vegas Golden Knights

THE OTHER TEAM IS SUPPOSED TO SUFFER THE VEGAS FLU.

24. Buffalo Sabres

REMEMBER, GUYS, THE SEASON DOESN’T END ON OCTOBER 31.

25. Columbus Blue Jackets

KEEP TORTS CALM AND CARRY ON.

26. Anaheim Ducks

WELCOME TO SAN DIEGO NORTH.

27. Minnesota Wild

WE’RE NOT OLD, WE’RE EXPERIENCED!

28. Calgary Flames

JOHNNY GAUDREAU’S SHOOTING PERCENTAGE CAN ONLY GO UP… RIGHT?

29. Los Angeles Kings

WE’LL ALWAYS HAVE 2012 AND 2014!

30. New Jersey Devils

PLAY LIKE YOU WANT THE MONEY WE WERE PREPARED TO PAY TAYLOR.

31. Detroit Red Wings

When submitting content, please abide by our submission guidelines, and avoid posting profanity, personal attacks or harassment. Should you violate our submissions guidelines, we reserve the right to remove your comments and block your account. Sportsnet reserves the right to close a story’s comment section at any time.