NHL Power Rankings: New Year’s Resolutions Edition

maple-leafs-all-star-matthews

Toronto Maple Leafs goaltender Frederik Andersen (31) celebrates with John Tavares (91) and Auston Matthews (34) after defeating the New York Rangers. (Frank Gunn/CP)

We’re totally putting that gym membership to use, limiting ourselves to one breakfast sandwich a month week day, and regularly calling Grandma’s landline just to say hi and ask how bridge club is going.

Yes, we’re flipping the calendar, ditching holiday indulgence back in 2018 where it belongs, and starting fresh.

In the spirit of best intentions, we present our NHL Power Rankings: New Year’s Resolutions Edition.

Per tradition, the teams are ranked in order of current strength.

The write-ups are a gathering of all the 2019 resolutions submitted to us by the league’s 31 clubs.

With 6 grams of delicious, crunchy, energy-giving protein, there’s nothing you and almonds can’t do. Visit Almonds.com for more ways to slay your day.

1. Tampa Bay Lightning

We resolve to never lose a hockey game in regulation ever again.

2. Washington Capitals

We resolve to support our captain as he captures his eighth Rocket Richard Trophy.

3. Winnipeg Jets

We resolve to be satisfied with nothing less than bringing the Stanley Cup back to Canada for the first time in 26 years.

4. Toronto Maple Leafs

We resolve to play Frederik Andersen less than 65 games and keep him fresh for the ones that really matter.

5. Calgary Flames

We resolve to dress any player whose agent complains about healthy scratches on Twitter.

6. Pittsburgh Penguins

We resolve to always be relevant as long as Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin can lace up their skates.

7. Columbus Blue Jackets

We resolve to win a playoff series for once in our life.

8. New York Islanders

We resolve to offer-sheet one of the league’s premier RFAs.

9. Nashville Predators

We resolve to hand the reins to Juuse Saros if Pekka Rinne gets shaky in springtime.

10. Boston Bruins

We resolve to crawl under the skin of the Toronto Maple Leafs and their fans, push them out of the playoffs in the first round, and giggle at the ensuing panic north of the border.

11. Vegas Golden Knights

We resolve to prove 2017-18 was no fluke, make the post-season and win at least one round.

12. San Jose Sharks

We resolve to win a Cup for Jumbo.

13. Buffalo Sabres

We resolve to not fall apart after a brilliant first three months and deliver on a chance to snap our seven-year playoff drought.

14. Montreal Canadiens

We resolve to never let you know what’s really going on with Carey Price’s lower body.

15. Colorado Avalanche

We resolve to re-sign Mikko Rantanen well in advance of offer sheet season and cheer our bloody hearts out for whomever’s playing the Senators tonight.

16. Dallas Stars

We resolve to keep our dirty laundry in-house.

17. Vancouver Canucks

We resolve to not confuse being in the wild-card mix with genuine contention and sit on movable assets like Alex Edler and Michael Del Zotto, whose return could further build a bright-looking future.

18. Anaheim Ducks

We resolve to shoot the puck! Firing a league-low 27.7 shots per game while giving up a West-high 34.7 just won’t cut it.

19. Florida Panthers

We resolve to hang around the wild-card race long enough for Vincent Trochek to get healthy and make another second-half push.

20. Minnesota Wild

We resolve to quit battling for middle-of-the-pack status and take one step back so we can take two steps forward.

21. New York Rangers

We resolve to begin the second phase of our reset this coming off-season, bring in a couple of legitimate stars and give loyal Henrik Lundqvist one more kick at the playoffs.

22. New Jersey Devils

We resolve to re-sign Taylor Hall ASAP this summer and not let him test the waters in his platform season.

23. Edmonton Oilers

We resolve to build a real team around Connor McDavid before he gets so fed up with losing that he begs out.

24. Carolina Hurricanes

We resolve to stop trading away 20-something forwards who can score and then wondering why we can’t score. (Oh, and our silly victory celebrations. We resolve to keep doing them to spite all the haters.)

25. Arizona Coyotes

We resolve to keep our team in Arizona. (Full disclosure: We keep copy-and-pasting this resolution every January.)

26. St. Louis Blues

We resolve to hire Joel Quenneville.

27. Philadelphia Flyers

We resolve to find a proven NHL goaltender so we don’t have to rush the development of Carter Hart.

28. Chicago Blackhawks

We resolve to not get involved in bidding wars for this summer’s big-name UFAs (such as Artemi Panarin) and spend to the cap. Instead, we will explore options for breaking up our championship core of Patrick Kane, Jonathan Toews, Corey Crawford, Duncan Keith and Brent Seabrook, as painful as that might be.

29. Detroit Red Wings

We resolve to sell, sell, sell as many players as possible and lose for Hughes. For it is a good year to be bottoming out.

30. Los Angeles Kings

We resolve to stop believing coaching changes will solve our problems, realize our league-worst 2.27 goals per game is serious issue in a game leaning toward speed and offence, and start a legitimate rebuild.

31. Ottawa Senators

We resolve to sign or trade Mark Stone and Matt Duchene by Feb. 25 and do everything we can to lessen our odds of winning the Jack Hughes lottery for Colorado.

When submitting content, please abide by our submission guidelines, and avoid posting profanity, personal attacks or harassment. Should you violate our submissions guidelines, we reserve the right to remove your comments and block your account. Sportsnet reserves the right to close a story’s comment section at any time.