DALLAS – "That’s a really difficult question," Connor Carrick says. And then he spends more than three minutes working through his answer.
With Carrick still getting adjusted to life in Dallas and about to face the Toronto Maple Leafs for the first time since being traded here last week, it’s challenging for the 24-year-old defenceman to assess if he got a fair shake in his former home.
Eventually, he settles on something that sounds like "yes."
"There were chances in those two years. I was on the power play and didn’t score. I was on the [penalty] kill and they scored. I was on in the last minute and I didn’t do whatever we wanted," Carrick told Sportsnet on Tuesday. "The term players use is leash and different players have a different sort of leash. Hockey’s not about equality. You’ve got 23 players who all have different things and have different roles and it’s not about making sure everyone gets the same amount of treats. It’s not the game.
"So the way I view it is we wanted it to go a certain way, it didn’t, and I accept as much responsibility as I can bear. And whatever trace there is left over, there’s things that happened."
[snippet id=4234155]
Carrick started losing his grip on a job with the Leafs during the 2017 playoffs, when he played 15 shifts or less in the final four games against the Washington Capitals. Then he was a healthy scratch in the seventh regular-season game last season – and more than 30 times after it – and by the time training camp rolled around last month he figured he was as good as gone.
That was hammered home when he was placed in the AHL group midway through camp. He’d spent the summer working out like a fiend and produced the top fitness results of any Leaf but wasn’t going to be able to convince the coaching staff he had more to give.
You can appreciate then why a wave of optimism washed over Carrick once he started processing the Oct. 1 trade that brought him to the Stars. Here he has a clean slate with coach Jim Montgomery, who paired him with former Toronto teammate Roman Polak for the first two games and gave him a regular even-strength shift.
There is a chance to grab a role in Dallas that eluded him with the Maple Leafs and he understands better just how precious those opportunities can be.
"I can tell you right now, walking in, my demeanour around this room, around this coach, is different than when I first walked into Toronto," said Carrick. "It’s aged. You just have more confidence things are going to work out and you understand the importance of other things. You take those lessons and you build [your game].
"Until you can really get your head above the trees, a lot of the guys in the league are managing what they want to be and what the coach needs out of them. It’s that give and take. It’s the player’s responsibility to achieve freedom of mind; you’ve got to create your own peace out there and make plays."
Carrick has already caught the eye of Montgomery by producing three assists in his first two games. Talk about a dream start. The new Stars head coach says that kind of production speaks for itself when assessing his play so far.
Carrick believes he has another level to reach and made an investment in himself over the summer, travelling to Darryl Belfry’s exclusive camp in late August and taking the ice with Auston Matthews, Patrick Kane, Claude Giroux, Charlie McAvoy and others.
The right-shot defenceman draws inspiration from players who have travelled the long road before eventually establishing themselves as reliable NHLers.
"There’s so many stories of it," said Carrick. "That’s what you rely on when you’re in the fight: ‘Whose done more with less than I have right now?’ Sometimes you don’t fit in a plan. The coach sees it one way and wants the team to play a certain way.
"It’s all about assets. It’s ‘what do you bring as a player’ – every player has strengths and weaknesses. You try and build a role and that’s something I wasn’t able to do in Toronto."
What he is proud of is how he handled himself during a trying 2017-18 season with the Leafs. Carrick said there "were a lot of days where you’ve got a couple attitudes in the drawer to pick from" when he was riding a long stretch of healthy scratches, and is satisfied that he managed to put his best face on more often than not.
It was telling that a few Leafs stopped by his apartment while he was packing up in the wake of the trade last week. Several others sent text messages of support.
There’s bound to be some conflicting emotions for Carrick when he lines up opposite them on the ice at American Airlines Center. The memories, both good and bad, are still fresh. This won’t feel like your typical Tuesday night game early in the season for No. 5 in black and green.
"It’s not the same when I play against Chicago – that’s where I’m from and you’ve got 50 people in the stands versus two in any other town," said Carrick. "It’s not the same against Toronto, it’s not the same against Colorado, which is my favourite childhood team.
"You’ve always got your baggage, man. That’s what it is."
[relatedlinks]
