I had to make one thing very clear before I start this week’s mail bag blog: No matter how bad the Raiders play, no matter how much JaMarcus Russell sucks and no matter what, I will always be a Raiders fan. I had to get this out there because a number of my buddies have been giving me the business about the Raiders and telling me that it might be time to switch teams. Not now, not ever. And yes, I do have issues. Time now for this week’s questions.
From: Richard
Comments:
Hi, Jim. I was wondering, since hockey is Canada’s game and all, how come the Stanley Cup champions are invited to visit the President and the White House, but not the Prime Minister and Sussex Drive?
Answer: Hi Richard, what an interesting question. To get the answer, I had to do something I have never done before in my career; I had to e-mail the Prime Minister’s office. I was able to get a hold of Stephen Harper’s Press Secretary Dimitri Soudas and I relayed your question. According to our Prime Minister, if a Canadian team wins the Stanley Cup, it would “most likely” that they would be spending the day at 24 Sussex Drive.
I would also hope that the Prime Minister would have a feast of Alberta beef, Maritime seafood, Quebec cheese, Ontario wine and some fine Kokanee beer from BC. As well, I would also hope that the Tragically Hip would be hired to put on a concert for the lads.
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From: Andy
Comments:
What is the etiquette when your boss pulls up to the only other urinal in the bathroom?? Do I stare straight ahead, engage in small talk, and look to the heavens?
Answer: Well Andy, you have just asked a question that has perplexed grown men all over the world for eons. Here’s the problem: If your boss walks in, you have to say, ‘Hi.’ At worst, you have to ever so gingerly nod your head in his direction so he gets the idea that you are acknowledging his presence and respect his power. As you stand there doing your business, you say to yourself, “I wonder if my boss has a Weapon of Mass Destruction?” You know you can’t look, because if you get caught, you’re dead meat. The best thing to do is just stare straight ahead and start talking hockey. The other thing you have to guard against at that moment is the urge to fart. It happens to all men when they’re at the urinal. With boss standing there, you have to fight the urge to let her rip at all costs. Make sure he sees you washing your hands thoroughly afterwards. That will tell him a) You read his e-mails; and B) You have good personal hygiene.
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From: Kyle from Kingston
Comments:
Hey Langer, always enjoy your blogs, keep up with the great reads. I was wondering where the term “five-hole” came from? I am sure someone explained this to me before but I can’t for the life of me remember what the explanation was. Look forward to the answer!
Answer: Hi Kyle, thanks so much for the kind words. The four corners of the net are numbered one through four, and the space between the goalies legs are the “five” hole. Now, among players in dressing rooms across the NHL, “five hole” has a much different meaning. Darcy Tucker explained it to me once and had to swear me to secrecy when he did. All I will say is that it’s the kind of thing you would only talk about with the boys out on the golf course or sitting around the camp fire having a few beers.
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From: Lindsay
Comments:
Hey Jim, Have you ever met your namesake Clubber Lang, aka Mr. T? I did, he was short but great to speak with … Thanks
Answer: Hi Lindsay, whoa, you actually met Mister T? That is so righteous. I must admit I have never met the man, but I did meet a man far tougher than Mister T or any other wannabe Hollywood tough guy and Canada’s own George Chuvalo.
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From: Andy in BC
Comments:
Hi Jim, your Q & A is the highlight of my week. I was wondering if you ever come out to Vancouver and if you think the 1994 BC Lions could beat the Detroit Lions from last season?
Answer: His Andy, yes, I do get out to Vancouver from time to time for work. My wife and I are planning to take the kids out to BC for a family vacation in the near future. She has some family in Victoria. I hate to say it, but I don’t think the 1994 BC Lions could have beaten the 2008 Detroit Lions. However, I do think the 1995 Baltimore Stallions could beat the 2008 Detroit Lions. By my count, there were at least seven players from that 1995 Stallions team that made the NFL.
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From: Chris
Comments:
Clubber, who do you think Ron Wilson will name as the Leafs’ new captain? Also, which NHL wife is the hottest?
Answer: Hi Chris. When it comes to Ron Wilson, I would never pretend to understand what’s going through his mind. Let alone understand who he might name as the Leafs new captain. I am not convinced that there is anyone on the Leafs current roster worthy of wearing the “C”. As for the hottest wife, the “code” prevents from ever revealing any names. One of the sacred tenets of the “code” states that you never talk about a player’s wife or family. That is totally off limits. If you want to ask me which NHL player has the hottest car, then I am all yours.
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From: Znowbird from parts unknown.
Comments:
Hey Jim; Now the Bombers are on winning streak, do you think it is too early to start building a shelf to put the Grey Cup on?
Answer: No. In fact, it’s not too early to start planning the route for the Bombers Grey Cup parade. I would book reservations at Earl’s on Main Street Winnipeg right now before it’s too late.
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From: Dave, From the Black Hole
Comments:
Just wondering Clubber, why do the Red wings have different lettering on their nameplates during the pre-season and then switch for the regular season. First I thought I was nuts, but then when I was watching highlights on Connected (PS tell Martine I say hi) on my 46″ LCD I saw it again. I’m not even a Red Wings fan but this is driving me nuts. As nuts as it was to watch the Raiders get spanked by the Broncos. HELP ME Clubber!
Answer:
Dave, take a deep breath. You are not nuts. I double checked with the archive of film we have at the network and you are indeed correct. The nameplate lettering on the back of the Red Wings sweaters are totally different. If you remember last years Cup finals, the lettering was a little taller and skinnier. During the pre-season, the lettering is more blocky and thicker.
Don’t get me started on the Raiders, it hurts too much.
BTW. Martine says, ‘Hi.’
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From: Mo
Comments:
Hey Jim, was reading news on the Olympics. (Congrats to Brazil) What’s your take on Obama’s flight on Air Force One costing $56,000-plus per hour?
Answer: Hi Mo, thanks for the question. My take on the Olympics is that I am thrilled that the IOC did the right thing and awarded the 2016 Summer Game to Brazil. My take on President Obama and Air Force One is good for him and that’s just the cost of doing business when you’re the leader of one of the most powerful countries on the planet.
This is the ultimate week to be a sports fan in Minnesota. Monday night at the Metrodome is the mother of all football games between Brett Favre and the Vikings and Aaron Rodgers and the Packers. Tuesday night at the Metrodome is a one game winner take all playoff tilt between the Twins and the Tigers.