THE CANADIAN PRESS
TORONTO — Goalkeeper Milos Kocic leaves Toronto FC with a tangle of conflicting emotions.
The 27-year-old Serbian fondly remembers winning the starting job with the MLS team, helping it capture the Amway Canadian Championship and reach the semifinals of the CONCACAF Champions League. Kocic savours the memory of sitting next to captain Torsten Frings in the locker-room, hearing the German star’s stories from the World Cup and other soccer showcases.
He met wife Evelyn in Toronto and watched his family grow there with the birth of triplets in the fall.
But Kocic also heads west to the Portland Timbers this week with negative memories after a nightmarish 2012 season that saw Toronto stagger to a franchise-worst 5-21-8 record. He recalls a locker-room where some players shrugged off defeats.
"A lot of times this year the players were just like laughing after the game. You lose the games and they don’t care," he said bitterly.
And he remembers Toronto as a franchise with a double standard for its players, treating some like favoured sons while others went without praise.
Most damning, he leaves thinking of Toronto FC as an organization that does not reward effort or accomplishment with playing time.
"It’s better for me to leave, to go somewhere where else I’m going to be appreciated," Kocic said.
Toronto, under new management in the guise of president and GM Kevin Payne, obliged Kocic by trading him to Portland along with forward Ryan Johnson in mid-December for backup goalkeeper Joe Bendik and the third overall pick in Thursday’s MLS SuperDraft. Like Kocic, Johnson’s patience in Toronto had worn out.
Kocic’s view of Toronto FC is admittedly a snapshot of the past. Payne, who drafted and released him at D.C. United, is tearing up the team in a bid to shed the franchise’s losing culture.
Payne has fired manager Paul Mariner and is remaking the roster for new head coach Ryan Nelsen. Kocic is one of 10 players to leave since the end of last season.
Toronto has likely done both Kocic and Johnson a favour by dispatching them to Portland.
Johnson played for Oregon State and Kocic should get a fair chance under new coach Caleb Porter to unseat 35-year-old starter Donovan Ricketts, who earned a hefty US$275,000 last season, which he split between Montreal and Portland. Kocic earned a bargain-basement $44,100 in comparison.
Young New Zealand ‘keeper Jake Gleason is also in the Timbers mix.
"In my opinion it will be Ricketts’ job to lose," Bendik said of the goalie sweepstakes in Portland. "He’s got the big salary but he’s a good goalkeeper."
Like Toronto, Portland can only get better. Last season, the 8-16-10 Timbers conceded 56 goals. Only Toronto (62) and Chivas (58) were worse defensively.
Still for Kocic, the move represents a new beginning after four MLS seasons and 41 games.
Kocic went to the 2009 MLS combine after a trial with D.C. United that included a visit to RFK Stadium.
"I looked at the stadium and said ‘OK I’m going to play here one day.’ And my dream came true."
Still, he thought he would be picked by Kansas City. Instead D.C. United took him 21st overall, the second goalie behind Toronto’s Stefan Frei (13th overall).
D.C. United already had Louis Crayton, Josh Wicks and a young Bill Hamid in goal. But Kocic was happy since Washington was close to Baltimore, where his girlfriend lived.
But his soccer learning curve was just beginning.
"I was a rookie, I was very immature about some things. I thought it was going to be as easy as college. I thought I was going to play for sure and that’s the wrong mentality."
Like most, Kocic craves support. He says he didn’t get it from his position coach at D.C. United. Frei did in Toronto, where he worked with Mike Toshack, now Portland’s goalkeeping coach.
"If I see that they don’t care about their players, I’m not in a very good relationship with people," Kocic said of his coaches. "If I see that we’re in sync, then I’m going to die for you, I’m going to do whatever it takes."
Kocic played four league games for D.C. United in 2009, plus CONCACAF Champions League and U.S. Open Cup games. He made it all the way to the U.S. Open Cup final against Seattle, only to have coach Tommy Soehn opt to start Wicks in the championship game.
"I was very mad. I earned my spot," said Kocic.
Ironically Wicks was red-carded in the 69th minute with D.C. down 1-0. Kocic came in and lost 2-1.
When Soehn was let go, Curt Onalfo — the coach he thought had wanted him in Kansas City — took over the next pre-season.
"I thought I’d be for sure playing. I played great. I had six games, six shutouts. And I started every game. And I wasn’t good enough."
Kocic, who took up a valuable foreigner spot on the roster, was released at 4 p.m. during pre-season in Florida. Within two hours, Toronto FC, whose pre-season base was across the street, had signed him.
Not all was good. His girlfriend lived in the U.S. capital. "All of a sudden, there was pretty much a lot of mess."
In 2010, with Preki as Toronto’s head coach, Kocic found himself behind Frei and Jon Conway on the depth chart. Wanting to play, he convinced the team to loan him out to the Serbian White Eagles of the Canadian Soccer League.
"It was a great experience for me, otherwise I’d be not sitting all the time, not playing. I told Preki I didn’t want to travel with the team if I don’t play," he recalled.
"I am a proud person but I’m not stupid," he added. "Now kids today, they think they deserve to play all the time … you have to earn everything."
In 2011, Kocic started the season backing up Frei under the new Aron Winter regime. After spending the first half of the season on the bench, he went to see Winter and assistant coach Bob de Klerk.
"I said ‘Guys, I’m ready to play,"’ he recalled.
He got his chance July 27 in a CONCACAF Champions League game against visiting Real Esteli FC of Nicaragua.
Already pumped up for the game, his emotions went through the roof when his girlfriend told him that morning she was moving back to Washington, D.C., and breaking up with him.
"That whole day, I was in a state," he said.
A Kocic blunder cost a goal that night. Up 2-0, Kocic raced after a ball in the corner of the penalty box. When he failed to hang on, a Real Esteli player pounced on it and slotted it into the goal.
"We won the game and I said ‘That’s not going to happen again,"’ said Kocic.
He played well in the Real Esteli rematch and then excelled in a league match at Real Salt Lake. An injury to Frei opened the door and, as the 2011 season wound down, Kocic had forced his way into the starting lineup.
Kocic began 2012 with high hopes. Toronto kicked off the campaign with the two-legged CONCACAF Champions League quarter-final against the Los Angeles Galaxy in early March.
Winter called in both goalies, telling them Frei would get the start in Toronto and Kocic would play the second leg in Los Angeles. The first game ended in a 2-2 tie at the Rogers Centre and Toronto won the rematch 2-1 at the Home Depot Center.
Next up — following an enthusiastic team celebration — was the season opener in Seattle.
"Before that game Aron called both of us to come downstairs in the lobby and said ‘OK Milos is going to start the first five games of the season and if he doesn’t do well, Stef is going to take over.’ So that’s how my season started, as a starter."
Kocic played in Seattle, losing 3-1. Then Frei suffered a season-ending leg injury in practice back home in Toronto.
"Everybody in the media is like ‘OK Stef is hurt, that’s why Milos is going to be No. 1.’ But I’m telling you what happened and you can ask Stef and you can ask Aron Winter. So I earned my job as No. 1."
It’s a sore spot for Kocic, who felt even more belittled when Mariner moved down from the front office to take over as head coach after Winter left the club 10 games into the 2012 season.
"When Paul took over he told everybody that ‘My No. 1 goalkeeper is injured, that’s why we’re struggling’ but I don’t think so. I think I had a very good year and I think I helped the team … but we have to do it with a whole team.
"I just don’t like the way Paul treated me," he added.
Kocic started 27 games in a season that went from bad to worse. It took a toll on the Serb, who wears his heart on his sleeve.
Kocic and Johnston were often the conscience of the team. But the season wore them down.
And Kocic says it became clear that the team did not welcome his candour.
"These people don’t like that. They like us to hide stuff. I’m not raised that way. I’m not a person who is going to say something behind your back. I’m going to tell you what it is. In the professional world, maybe I’m not going to survive long…. It’s very difficult for me."
Kocic’s season essentially ended in early September with the arrival of his triplets. There were some complications after the birth and Mariner, showing his human side, gave the goalie time to look after his family.
Toronto turned to No. 3 ‘keeper Freddy Hall, subsequently released. Kocic waited for the season to end — anticipating a change in scenery.
With Kocic gone, Frei rules the Toronto goalkeeping roost. Kocic wishes his friend and fellow ‘keeper all the support in the world.
"We’re very very good friends," said Kocic. "(It was a) very healthy relationship, (we) pushed each other to do better … We’re always going to be friends, there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just that there it’s one (starting) spot."
Kocic leaves, however, feeling he was never going to get a shot in Toronto.
"No matter what I did at this club I would never get a chance because Stef is an icon of this club."
The 26-year-old Frei made $175,000 last season.
Kocic always put up his hand — literally against D.C. United in October — when he made a mistake. But he insists some teammates didn’t take responsibility.
Defending is a team effort, he notes, not the sole domain of the goalkeeper and the back four.
"If Iker Casillas was on this team, I don’t think he would do any better," he said, referring to the renowned Spain and Real Madrid ‘keeper.
Looking back at his soccer career in Toronto, Kocic has warm words for many of the staff at Toronto FC. He is appreciative of Winter’s efforts to help him off the field.
But like the fans that have deserted the club during its decline, he rues the mistakes made. He blames the poor 2012 and run of injuries on poor preparation in the pre-season.
"The players weren’t fit, we had a bad pre-season, we hadn’t done enough in the pre-season. I think me and Stef were maybe the hardest-working players on the field. … If you’re not fit, you get injured."
He says Preki had it right when it came to fitness.
"If this club kept him and let him do what he wanted to do, this club would be successful today, I’m telling you. If you ask the players who played, they were so fit, they hated him because we ran a lot, but they were so fit and so ready to play the season. And that’s what you need.
"We weren’t so technical, we weren’t very productive up front, I remember with Preki, but we weren’t conceding the goals so easy back then. I feel like were fighting for something, we had the hunger in ourselves.
"This year (2012), it’s like you don’t track your man and they score, it doesn’t matter, let’s move on. Conceding a goal was so easy and for me I was very competitive, it just like killed me at the end. I lost it at the end too. I kind of like melted into the whole thing. I really cared at the beginning and probably until the end of the season, then after that I got my kids and stuff and everything just changed."
Toronto has paid for its constant change, he says.
"If you keep changing like this, you’re never going to have any results."