"Before the Olympics, my coach basically told me ‘you’re the only person standing in the way of your own success.’"
Despite earning her first senior cap when she was only 19, Canadian women’s soccer team goalkeeper Erin McLeod has always struggled with the pressure and expectations that come with being a high-performance athlete.
Years of competing for Canada’s starting goalkeeper spot with Karina LeBlanc ("the master at being confident and calm," according to McLeod) led McLeod to simply try to outwork her competitors. But it came with a price.
"I’ve always been someone that over-thinks everything," McLeod admitted. "If you don’t have confidence and you’re not a calm goalkeeper, nothing really matters. So what (goalkeeper coach) Simon (Eddy) said couldn’t be more true."
McLeod, 30, decided to make some changes after that conversation with her coach. It was a decision that would shape who she was as a player on the field, but also as a person off of it.
"I needed to stop telling myself I couldn’t do things. After the (2012) Olympics, I just decided I would apply that to every part of my life, and I just kind of said, ‘I’m going to do this,’" McLeod explained.
‘Putting yourself out there’
"This" refers to Limitless, McLeod’s first-ever solo art show. Hosted by Can Fund founder Jane Roos in Toronto through Sept. 30, the show features 20 pieces by McLeod, who stepped out of her artistic comfort zone to put the show together.
Those who remember McLeod from the 2002 FIFA U-19 World Cup staged in Canada know all about her creative streak, at least as it relates to her hair. McLeod coloured and styled her hair in different ways throughout the tournament, including shaping it like the Canadian Maple Leaf.
"I’ve always been sketching but I hadn’t really done acrylic, and had never sold anything," McLeod said. "I’ve done a lot of random stuff, designed tattoos for girls on the team, stuff like that.
"I’m sure it’s like writing a book (in that) you’re really putting yourself out there."
The Alberta-born goalkeeper said learning how pieces were marked as sold led to lots of excitement.
"There’s little red dots under the labels, and every time I saw a red dot go up, I was like, ‘yes!’" McLeod said.
"It’s really just cool to see what people gravitate towards, and it’s cool that people get inspired by something that I’ve done. It’s the same feeling you get when you see people get excited about what you’re doing on the field."
‘Some people have to find it’
Speaking the day after selling six of her pieces, McLeod explained art has been one of the driving reasons for her new sense of calm on the pitch.
"I think for most athletes, if you read any sport psych book, it’s all the same. They talk about being present, about relaxing and being in the moment," McLeod explained. "I find that when I’m trying to be artistic, I’m not thinking. I’m free, I trust my abilities, and I’ve learned to bring that onto the pitch. I’m letting all the skill and the development take over, and be okay with the uncertainty."
After Christine Sinclair, McLeod might be the next most recognizable face on the women’s team. The way she handled the controversial semifinal loss to the United States at the London Games, and how she rebounded to lead Canada to a bronze medal win against France offered more proof that she’s at peace with her game.
"Some people are born with that, and some people have to find it… I think I found it," McLeod offered.
‘As Canadians, balance is important’
To really see the transformation of McLeod, you have to go back to 2011, when Carolina Morace coached the national team. The Italian believed her players should focus 100 per cent of their time and efforts on soccer. The initial results were positive, but the team imploded at the 2011 World Cup in Germany where it finished in last place, and Morace was quickly shown the door.
"If you look at the way we performed under Carolina, it was all training. Our whole lives were soccer. There was no balance, and we did miserably. If you’re not happy outside of the game, I think it affects your play whether you want it to or not," McLeod offered.
McLeod explained the difference in the teams under Morace and under new coach John Herdman could not be any starker. She credits the team dynamic under Herdman for helping to cultivate her art career.
"I definitely think when you have a coach who’s understanding about that kind of stuff, it helps. He’s very supportive and open, and is all about balance. It’s just a different mindset. Carolina’s mindset was soccer should be first for everything, and that’s fine for a lot of people. But I think, as Canadians, for us, balance is such an important part of our lives. I think John helps with that and promotes that," McLeod said.
McLeod admitted that balance was something she lacked as a younger player, but that it’s come to her more easily with age.
"It’s funny, you see people who are new to national teams or to pro leagues that sit on the couch and watch TV, but some of us get bored with just being a footballer. I don’t mean any disrespect by that, it’s great to just be a footballer but it’s nice because I’ve just felt more energized by the fact that I’m doing this (art show). And most of the time I’m pretty damn tired at the end of all my training," McLeod said.
As daunting as it was to put together her first art show in just a few months, McLeod explained the goal is to have one every year, regardless of how much time and energy it takes.
"I’d love for this to be a part of my life, for the rest of my life," McLeod said. "I finally think I know what I’m going to do when I’m done (playing soccer)."
