By Scott Feschuk
The sky thundered, and the hour of the actual downfield completion had come. And Tim did runneth.
1. And I looked, and beheld a pale horse upon the helmet: and his name that did wear it was Tim; and his biceps were as a statue of marble, and his eyes were as a flame of fire, and his throwing motion were as a girl of 12.
2. And, lo, it was decreed that every eye shall see him, and every mouth shall spake of him, and all the thousand prophets of ESPN shall wail because of him, and rest not their tongues.
3. And dominion was given unto Tim over the many fine souvenir stalls of the greater Denver metropolitan area.
4. A shekel was tossed toward the sky to starteth the contest and, lo, the Broncos did choose with sagacity; and there was much rejoicing by Tim; and Tim did cheer, and did enthuse, and did exalt unto his teammates, and did slappeth them upon the backs and upon the helmets and upon thy fleshy bottoms, and the various other parts, and so on.
5. And his teammates did thinketh unto themselves: this is all a little much for triumphing at the tossing of the shekel, no? But whateth are you going to do?
6. And the Broncos did deign to receive and, lo, a touchback.
7. And Tim laid his left hand upon the ball, saying unto it, “Fear not; I am a professional quarterback.” And the ball did quake, and did quiver, and verily did the ball aspire to deflate lest it be hurled astray by Tim.
8. And behold: Tim did casteth the ball, and it did flutter, and, lo, did it maketh to resemble the flight of a seabird most gravely wounded, and then did it land some vast distance from any creature of God.
9. And, lo, came the many tweets of mirth.
10. The Fox then did rolleth his eyes, and he that hath an ear did hear the Fox spake unto his coordinator of offence: “Let there be 29 consecutive rushing plays.” And there were 29 consecutive rushing plays. And the Fox saw that it was good. And the Elway did removeth the barrel of the pistol from his mouth.
11. And, lo, upon the midst of the fourth of four quarters, Tim had amassed three and twenty yards of passing.
12. And in that moment did many men seek death, and did desire to die, and did pursue death, though mostly these were Jets fans who still couldn’t believe they might actually lose unto this guy.
13. And behold: the ball was again cast by Tim, and the ball did wobble as though inebriated by drink; yet the ball did landeth upon the hands of the Intended Receiver; and, lo, there was a great earthquake; and the sun became black as sackcloth of hair, and the moon became as blood, for the great day of the actual downfield completion had come.
14. And hence Tim did runneth with the ball, and did march the offence, and did complete still another pass, making the stars of heaven fall unto the earth, much as a fig tree casteth her untimely figs when she is shaken of a mighty wind.
15. And, lo, there was a brief pause so that the grounds crew could cleareth the field of stars and figs.
16. And upon that fateful hour Tim did carry the ball into the end zone; and every mountain and island were moved out of their places, and there proceeded lightnings and thunderings, and the kings of the earth, and the vendors of the soda pop, and the Kipers of Mel did hide themselves from their televisions, for they were afraid.
17. And the faithful did falleth down in worship; and, lo, there was no more doubt, and not any who lacked belief, and verily it was so for ever and for all time, right up until next Sunday.
(Tebow illustration by Kagan McLeod)