NHL Power Rankings: 31 Billboards Outside Your City, NHL Edition

A-billboard-reading-#Melnykout,-calling-for-the-Ottawa-Senators-owner-to-sell-the-team

A billboard calling for Ottawa Senators owner Eugene Melnyk to sell the team is seen in Ottawa on Monday, March 19, 2018. (Justin Tang/CP)

Not happy with your favourite hockey team?

Please feel free to go full Frances McDormand hockey mom and plaster your dissatisfaction on a billboard so the whole city can feel your pain.

Such is the latest trend in NHL hot spots like Brooklyn (“Snow Must Go”) and Ottawa (“#MelynkOut”).

Still stewing that The Shape of Water‘s Best Picture nod cost me an Oscar pool victory — guess who nailed Best Makeup in an Animated Foreign-Language Documentary Short, though — I’ve decided to simultaneously honour both fan-funded free speech and my favourite film of 2017 in our NHL Power Rankings: 31 Billboards Outside Your Hockey City.

As per tradition, all 31 clubs are ranked in order of their current watchability.

The write-ups are simply the bold slogans and all-caps calls to action we spotted on billboards outside all of the NHL’s metropolises during a rather lengthy road trip around North America this week.

1. Nashville Predators

Vote Subban-Josi!
Make Them the First Norris Trophy Co-Winners

2. Tampa Bay Lightning

Overworked and Underpaid: Let Vasilevskiy Sleep!
(paid for by Andrei Vasilevskiy)

3. Boston Bruins

Suspend Your Disbelief: Marchand 4 Hart

4. Winnipeg Jets

Hop Aboard the Winnipeg Wagon — We’ve Got Full Bars!

5. Vegas Golden Knights

Penn & Tell ‘Er to Ditch the Magic Show and Come Watch Hockey!

6. Toronto Maple Leafs

Real Good Pro,
Real Good Man,
Real Good Ply’r

7. San Jose Sharks

The San Jose Sharks: We Love You As Is

8. Columbus Blue Jackets

Our Coach Is Scarier Than Yours

9. Washington Capitals

Home of Alex Ovechkin’s One-Timer
(Please Adjust Your Rear-View Mirror for Era)

10. Colorado Avalanche

Winnin’ for MacKinnon

11. Los Angeles Kings

If Dustin Brown Can Get It Together, So Can You

12. Pittsburgh Penguins

Welcome to Pittsburgh, Home of Phil Kessel, One- Two- Three-Time Stanley Cup Champion

13. Anaheim Ducks

Guess Who Wants Us in Round 1? No One

14. Minnesota Wild

Who Knows?!
This May Be the Year Bruce Boudreau Wins a Game 7

15. Florida Panthers

Luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

16. St. Louis Blues

We’ll Get ‘Em Next Year!

17. Philadelphia Flyers

Your Move, Flyers
(paid for by the Philadelphia Eagles)

18. New Jersey Devils

Thank You, Peter Chiarelli!

19. Dallas Stars

Let’s Stop Rushing Ben Bishop Back

20. Carolina Hurricanes

Now Hiring

21. New York Rangers

Ryan Spooner: 13 Points, Healthy
Rick Nash: 6 Points, Injured

22. Calgary Flames

First- and Second-Rounders Rarely Amount to Anything Anyway

23. Edmonton Oilers

Connor Will Save Us… Right? Right?!

24. Ottawa Senators

LeBreton Flats 2022: Come See Cody Ceci and Marian Gaborik!

25. Chicago Blackhawks

PLEASE! Log on to GoFundMe.com/Stadium and Help the ‘Hawks Secure an Outdoor Game

26. Arizona Coyotes

Don’t Get Any Wise Ideas, Quebec

27. Buffalo Sabres

We’re Two Years Away from Being Two Years Away!
(courtesy of the Caboclo Model Movement of Buffalo)

28. Montreal Canadiens

Four! More! Years!… Of Karl Alzner

29. New York Islanders

Johnny B. Loyal

30. Detroit Red Wings

Little Caesars Arena — You Can Totally Get a Slice of Pizza in Here!

31. Vancouver Canucks

Fallin’ for Dahlin (But Please Don’t Pass us for Rasmus)

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