“I’m 35. I know I don’t have much time left. But I’m getting out of that press box prison. I don’t care if it takes six months or a year or two years. I will get healthy. I will play in the National Hockey League again.”
Pascal Dupuis only missed two games from October 2009 to December 2013, but since then the Pittsburgh Penguins veteran’s career has been derailed by a torn ACL, MCL and PCL, plus two blood clots.
In a revealing article he wrote for The Players’ Tribune, Dupuis detailed the struggles – both physically and mentally – he has gone through as he fights to get his NHL career back on track.
“The doctor explained that I had a pulmonary embolism,” Dupuis said. “One of the branches of my lung was clogged. The clot probably started in my calf when my leg was immobilized on the flight back from Ottawa [after my knee injury Dec. 23, 2013]. My lung wasn’t getting blood supply and was slowly dying.”
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Finding the blood clot potentially saved Dupuis’ life, but it also forced him to go on blood thinners, which delayed his knee surgery.
“I know this sounds crazy, but I was disappointed. That’s how you’re conditioned to think as a hockey player,” Dupuis said. “To make it in the league as an undrafted free agent like I did, you have to be able to go through walls. That’s not some motivational poster B.S. You truly have to be able to block out an immense amount of pain, and that can have consequences.”
Dupuis was able to rehab his knee and work his way back into game shape last off-season. He made his 2014-15 season debut with a four-point effort against the Anaheim Ducks on Oct. 9, but his success on the ice couldn’t be sustained. Prior to a game against the Winnipeg Jets on Nov. 6, Dupuis felt something wrong with his chest.
“I’m hunched over and guys are looking at me. I lied and said I must have pulled a muscle on a shot,” Dupuis said. “Call me stupid but I didn’t say anything to anyone about it. Not my teammates. Not my trainers. Not my wife. The hockey player in me — he’s saying it’s nothing. He’s thinking, ‘You just battled through eight months of rehab for your knee. Everyone was second-guessing you. You’re 35. This is it.’”
He registered 11 points in 16 games this season before doctors found another blood clot in his lung and shut him down.
“I would not recommend this to anyone but the truth is that I played five more NHL games without ⅓ of a lung. My knee was genuinely sore, so I asked for some anti-inflammatories, which helped with the pain a little bit. My training was so overboard that the blood clot didn’t affect my conditioning. I played my best game of the year in Toronto, a few days after I felt the clot.”
Dupuis remains steadfast in his quest to get back to the NHL, but there is no concrete timeline on when he might play again.
“It’s easy to say that family comes first. I absolutely love my children and my wife. But the mentality of a professional hockey player is that you never admit that you’re human. You never admit pain, especially if it’s pain that no one can see.”
