VANCOUVER – After scoring just over half the 30 goals he promised this season, Brock Boeser says he is done making predictions except for this one: he will love hockey again next year. For the Vancouver Canucks or someone else.
Grief is complicated. Its key ingredients can include anger, guilt, regret, resentment – and Boeser felt all of these things this season after his father, Duke Boeser, died back home in Minnesota last May from dementia and a years-long battle with cancer.
Brock Boeser’s grief was not linear.
“I’m being pretty open with you right now … it’s not easy to explain this to teammates, especially when they haven’t been through it in life,” Boeser, 26, told Sportsnet after publicly rescinding his trade request during Saturday’s year-end press conference. “I don’t want to tell people that I hated the game. I never really, truly hated the game of hockey but … “
He resented it?
“Exactly,” he said. “Yes, exactly.”
Boeser said he not only hid his true feelings from friends on the team, like Elias Pettersson and Quinn Hughes, but didn’t even tell his mom, Laurie, until after the Canucks final game last Thursday in Arizona.
“It was a long year; I went through some stuff,” he said. “I’m trying to explain this right. It’s hard for people to understand the aftereffects of what I went through. Unless you really go through this, you can’t understand what it’s like dealing with a (dying) family member. I really blamed hockey for not being home with my dad. That was a big challenge I worked through this year. And with my hand injury, then the trade rumours, and I wasn’t playing good – it just all was a lot.”
Angry and unhappy, struggling through a poor first half that saw him hurry back from pre-season hand surgery, then miss six games when his wound reopened, Boeser scored just four times in his first 23 games. He asked his agent, Ben Hankinson, to get involved in seeking a trade.
“It was just change – a fresh start,” Boeser said of his trade request. “Anytime you’re feeling that way, in life, not just hockey … I feel like people do that all the time in their lives. People move to other states in America for fresh starts. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.”
But it wasn’t change that Boeser needed, but peace. He needed closure.
“Just really took a step back and realized this was my dad’s dream and my dream to play in the NHL,” he explained. “Why am I holding it against … why am I angry? I think I just got to a point where I became at peace with it. I’m not going to lie, there were some days that were hard to come to the rink. But the last month, I’ve been excited to come to the rink. I don’t want the season to end. And I’m really excited to start training because I have another level to my game. I haven’t gotten there yet, but I know I can get there and that’s where my head’s at.
“I kept pushing through and I found that fire and drive again. It’s just really exciting to me, just feeling that again.”
Boeser finished his 74 games with 18 goals and 37 assists for 55 points. Five of those goals came in the Canucks’ final 11 games. His minus-20 and expected-goals-for of 43.4 per cent at five-on-five were among the worst on the team, and his 0.60 goals-per-60 minutes were the second-lowest of his career.
Back in September, he told reporters at training camp in Whistler, before he suffered his freak hand injury on Day 2, that “this is the year” he scores 30 goals.
“I’m not going to sit there and tell you guys anymore until I actually do it (because) I’m sick of telling you guys that and not doing it,” he said. “I just, I know I have another level to my game. I know I can do it.”
GM Patrik Allvin believes Boeser has another level, too. But that doesn’t mean the longest-tenured Canuck – “crazy,” Boeser said – won’t be traded this summer as management continues to seek salary-cap relief.
The right winger has two years remaining under his contract at $6.65 million.
“I feel for Brock,” Allvin said during his own media availability on Monday. “I mean, he went through a tough summer family-wise off the ice. He got injured early in training camp, struggling the first half, I think (with) his mindset. Give him credit, though, he pushed himself hard. And the last two months, I think he played his best hockey since I got here.
“I think he understands there needs to be changes in his offseason training to come prepared for training camp … to kind of get his name back. But, again, he is an age where he should be able to take the next step if he’s willing to sacrifice and put the time in in the summer.”
Allvin said, in February, before the NHL trade deadline, that he didn’t want to give up on Boeser.
On Monday, asked directly about the Minnesotan rescinding his trade request, Allvin said: “I was very pleased in all the exit meetings to hear the (response) from the players and the excitement moving forward and wanting to be here. (But) again … we acknowledge we weren’t good enough, so there’s going to be some changes.”
Boeser told Sportsnet he would emphasize to management and coach Rick Tocchet how much he wishes to stay.
“It’s out of my control, but I do want to play here,” he said. “What we’re building, I think is something legit with this coaching staff, and I want to be part of it.”
Tocchet has made clear his desire for more “wall guys” and players who can forecheck and win puck battles. Boeser’s nuanced game is more about creativity. But Boeser, citing teammate J.T. Miller’s play, said he can win more pucks by improving his body positioning, and can even find a way in mid-career to get quicker.
“I think I’ve got decent speed when I get up to speed, but it’s getting up to speed, right?” Boeser said. “If I can get a quicker step, coming out of corners and turns, it just gives you more space. But again, I’m not just going to sit here and tell you what I think I can do; I have to act. I want to prove it all to everyone.”